Around the holidays, dating seems to be a hot topic for discussion. But how can we have wisdom in whom we choose to pursue? How can we be smart about searching for a significant other? In Dating with Discernment, Sam A. Andreades asks 12 questions to make a lasting marriage.
Worldview and Relationships
Interestingly, the book begins with a chapter on “How to Break Up,” in which Andreades offers seven steps to have a good breakup. His rationale is that “you must be ready to not be married so you can have a good marriage.”
While it is a startling way to open the book, it is also one that is tinged with hope. For Christians, Christ is enough—and he will help us as we find our future spouse. Worldview and relationships set the foundation for dating, and Andreades shows how Christianity—and the doctrine of the Trinity—give warrant and respect for the process. The book then gets into the meatier questions, and what I appreciated most was the way the questions are paralleled for both men and women.
The first set of questions are outward focused, looking at what your future spouse can provide: (1) “Can He Secure Me? / Can She Give Me Rest?” (2) “Can He Take Charge for Us? / Can She Esteem Me? and (3) “Does He Have the Mission for Us?” / Can She Empower Our Journey?”
The book then turns the tables, looking inwardly at what you can be for your significant other: “(1) Can I Secure Her? / Can I Give Him Rest?” (2) “Can I Take Charge for Her? / Can I Esteem Him?” and (3) “Is There a Mission for Us Together? / Can I Empower Our Journey?”
Life in the Future, Together
The book is tethered to complementarian theology, referencing the headship of Christ and his role of leadership over the Church. The book is also practical, asking pointed questions such as “Does she have a devotional life?” and “Have I matured enough as a man to have my own opinions?”
At around 250 pages, this book is a gem. While Andreades offers stories and pop-culture references, he reasons with Scripture and writes with wisdom. A Scripture Index is included, with over 50 books of the Bible referenced.
What I most appreciated was the future-orientation of the book. While dating relationships are typically focused on the present moment, marriage necessitates a proper understanding and outlook for life in the future. God’s purposes are at the forefront, and calling for a life on mission made me think about how God sanctifies, serves, supports, and sends us out together with our spouses. This book is filled with invaluable wisdom, with ideas that can chart the course of your life.
United with Christ
Before ending with an appendix that includes forty helpful first-date questions, the book concludes with the fact that all Christians are guaranteed a wedding day when Christ returns. It’s a thought that gives hope to those who are dating, but also strength to those who might never marry. But until that day, we can have discernment in who we date. This book grounds us in reality, anchors us in Scripture, and unites us with Christ.
I received a media copy of Dating with Discernment and this is my honest review.