I don’t know if I’ve ever felt like I was the right person for the job, whether as a dad, a pastor, or even a friend. There has always been a small voice in my head telling me that I’m not good enough. Sometimes, even in the wake of a compliment, I feel added pressure to prove to myself that I deserve the affirmation. Imposter Syndrome has always had a tight grip on me.
Popularized by the likes of Sheryl Sandberg in describing the struggle to be confident in her own abilities, imposter syndrome is experienced to some degree in 80 percent of the general population.1 There’s even an online Imposter Syndrome test called the Clance IP Scale.2 Scoring higher on the scale correlates to more intense forms of imposter experiences, such as:
- You do a lot more work than you need to and you still don’t give yourself any credit because someone more skilled than you wouldn’t have to work so hard.
- You believe that everyone knows more than you.
- You think that others believe you’re more skilled than you actually are.
- You dismiss your success, and you don’t take compliments well.
- You’re afraid of disappointing others.
- You have a hard time forgetting mistakes.
If you resonate with any of these, join the club. Imposter syndrome started early for me. When I was young, my dad told me that he named me Joshua because he was impressed with his courage and valor as recounted in the Bible. He wanted me to be like him: a strong leader, a warrior, a brave man. This was a lot of pressure for a small Asian kid. I had thick glasses and funky bed hair, and my height always brought me to the front of the line. The older I got, these insecurities were replaced with other insecurities, many of which still remain today.
However, over the years, and the more I’ve thought about Joshua, I’ve come to relate to him a little differently. For all his courage, valor, leadership, and faithfulness, I can’t help but wonder if Joshua felt a surge of imposter syndrome when God called him up to lead. After all, he was the man who was to fill in the shoes of Moses.
Moses was a hard act to follow. He led the Israelites out of Egypt. Through him, hail and fire fell from the skies. He split the sea. He gave his people manna from the heavens. Moses even saw a glimpse of God on Mount Sinai. Joshua probably couldn’t imagine a future that didn’t include Moses leading himself and all the people into the promised land. It must have been a shock to learn that, due to Moses’ disobedience, God was calling Joshua to take over as leader of the people. Could you imagine the pressure? It’s like when Bronny James was drafted to play for the same team that his dad played for. Instead of following the steady and familiar steps of Moses, a million pairs of tired eyes and weary wanderers drained by being on alert through enemy territory now suddenly looked to Joshua to save them and make the promised land a reality.
Presence: God’s Response to our Insecurity
Combating imposter syndrome is easier said than done. Sometimes, we need mentors, friends, and peers to affirm us for the many gifts that God created us with. Affirmations are balms to a weary soul. It was just recently that one of my own mentors had to gently confront me of my overly self-deprecative tendencies. Other times, we need to learn to be comfortable with our shortcomings. As much as our gifts make up our personhood, our shortcomings are also key components of our uniqueness. And above it all, we can learn to live with our insecurities if we have the assurance of a steady presence that would never leave us for our faults.
Take a look at how God responds to Joshua’s insecurity. He doesn’t tell Joshua, “You’re great! Give yourself some credit. Look at all of your talents.” Instead, he says, “No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. . . . for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:5, 9).
God prepares Joshua for this new position by doubling down on being the steady presence that Joshua needs. Imposter syndrome may force us to play the loser in the comparison game, but God’s presence made incarnate through Jesus means that even our greatest insecurities and most egregious sins pale in comparison to his covenantal commitment to us. Jesus had every reason to back down from the cross. Yet even as he foresaw our brokenness and sin, he took on the cross so that we may take part in him. The cross is proof that God never leaves or forsakes his people.
I’m the youngest member of an amazingly gifted staff. And I’ve often taken youngest to mean “least experienced”. When I first arrived at our church, I constantly battled the whispers of doubt. “You don’t belong here.” “Don’t disappoint them.” “You need to work extra hard to gain recognition.” Yet through their constant affirmations and God’s promises of his presence, I’m able to keep these whispers at bay. Truth be told, imposter syndrome will always be a thorn in my side. But neither height, nor depth, nor insecurities, nor shortcomings can separate us from the love of God.
God chose to be with Joshua, and God chooses to be with us, always.
Header Photo Credit: Markus Spiske
- https://wie.ieee.org/event/webinar-conquer-impostor-syndrome-to-advance-your-career/
- https://paulineroseclance.com/pdf/IPTestandscoring.pdf