October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This difficult topic has become even more important during these COVID-19 times as stress and close proximity have exacerbated relationship problems.
One study found hospitals are seeing more cases of “fractured bones and bruised and punctured organs.” The problem is also worldwide The United Nations calls this violence a “Shadow Pandemic,” as victims have access to less resources and may be stuck at home with an abuser.
To help equip the local church to fight domestic violence, SOLA Editorial Board member Tim St. John has compiled a list of resources to help church members and leaders learn more about domestic violence and how to help those who are suffering.
We hope this can be a starting point for churches to become places of healing and restoration.
For Pastors
ChurchCares.com
This website is a starting place for pastors. It has been put together by J.D. Greer and Brad Hambrick, and we encourage you to explore the website and study the curriculum.
Articles From The Biblical Counseling Coalition
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“Considerations for Addressing Abuse in Your Church” by Kïrsten M. Christianson
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Excerpt: First, it is my deep conviction that when abuse is not addressed biblically in the church, we are perverting the gospel and telling a lie about the character of God. God executes justice for the oppressed (Ps. 146:5-7).
Second, I believe that Scripture makes it clear that we are to care for one another in our local bodies. God has put us in a blood-bought relationship with each other, so the church cannot refer out the shepherding of her members. I am not saying we can’t refer for counseling and other resources. I am saying that pastors and elders are called to shepherd their God-given flock (Ezek. 34; 1 Pet. 5.1-4).
So, how does a church stop, prevent, and address abuse in the body of Christ? I have found it takes the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding found in Proverbs 24:3.
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“Towards a Definition of Abuse” by Brad Hambrick
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Excerpt: I have found there are at least two dispositions towards the possibility of creating a definition of abuse. One group wants a clear, concise, concrete definition that can be used to definitively determine whether a given event or relationship is or is not abusive. The other group believes the breadth of destructive activities that can be abusive makes it impossible to craft a definition that can be used in this way.
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“Educating Your Elders about Abuse” by Jim Newheiser
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Excerpt: Well-meaning church leaders, in their ignorance, often fail to distinguish between ordinary marital conflict and situations in which one spouse is abusing the other. The abusive spouse, usually the husband, is often able to manipulate inexperienced counselors by deflecting attention from his sin and focusing upon the sin of the mistreated spouse. Over time, as the oppression continues unabated, the mistreated spouse reaches the conclusion that the counseling is ineffective and that her church leaders are not adequately protecting her from the harm being done to her (Prov. 31:8-9). She may begin to consider leaving her husband and her church. When she does, the church may respond with disciplinary pressure. Such complex situations require great wisdom and compassion.
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“Domestic Abuse: Common Counseling Mistakes” by Chris Moles
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Excerpt: The misstep I have encountered most often when working alongside churches and biblical counselors is our tendency to mutualize domestic abuse by addressing it as a marriage problem. The truth is, although domestic abuse occurs in the context of marriage, it is not a marriage problem. I have consulted with many counselors who were frazzled as the counseling seemed stalled, stagnant, or headed south. Most had offered great marriage counseling that under “normal” circumstances would have produced tremendous fruit when applied, but which, in the context of domestic abuse, was inadvertently minimizing the abuse and isolating the victim further.
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For Victims
A Letter to Wives Who Are Wondering: Is it Abuse? by Darby Strickland
This is a short, encouraging essay written to you. In addition, many local governments provide resources for you. Here is an example from Los Angeles County’s Domestic Violence Council.
For People Who Are Helping Victims
Is It Abuse? by Darby Strickland
This book equips you to better help victims with wise, Christ-centered counsel.
The Heart of Domestic Abuse by Chris Moles
Another highly recommended book that focuses on men who abuse their partners.This book is also recommended by the authors of many of the above articles.
For Abusers
“Showing Repentance” by the Psalm 82 Initiative
This blog post lays out guidelines on how to truly repent, as well as action steps to take.