“The life has gone out of your eyes.”
I stared blankly at my friend as we sat in the café, stirring my boba tea. Was it that bad? I thought I was hiding it pretty well, but clearly, I was not.
It had been about five years since our adoption. Despite making some headway, my life was still a mess. I was a mess.
Even though I was a stay-at-home mom, I had all the classic signs of burnout. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. I rolled out of bed, tired before the day even started. Every day was the same: sticking to a rigid schedule, coordinating care, and endless tasks. The stress took a physical toll on my body in the form of high blood pressure and heart arrhythmias.
As a pastor’s wife, I felt ashamed that even after five years, I was not doing better. So I hid in my husband’s office on Sundays to avoid seeing anyone. I traded the small talk I dreaded for loneliness.
This combination of hard work and isolation created apathy and depression. Nothing gave me joy, even things I once enjoyed. I lost heart and hope. My body was alive, but my spirit was dying—and I needed help. On top of all this, I felt despair, wondering if God had abandoned me.
Getting Out of the Burnout Pit
Though burnout is often associated with one’s vocation, you don’t need to be in the working world to experience its symptoms. Worldly counsel advises us to practice self-care: take a break, take a walk, take a vacation.
While there’s nothing wrong with those things, my experience binging on Netflix to escape the pain of my life told me otherwise. The more I justified my actions believing “you deserve a break today,” the smaller my heart became—angry, resentful. I became bitter, not better.
The good news is Christ leads us into a better way. Consider these three “C’s” to help you get out of the burnout pit.
1. Confess false worship.
This was not my first bout of burnout. I’ve always been a hard worker. But that was not the issue. The issue was the false beliefs that kept me working endlessly. I could fool others, but I could not fool God.
Often, burnout happens when we look to ourselves to make it through life and tackle all our problems. I believed that it was up to me to handle all the needs I saw.
For me, it started with simply wanting to be responsible. But somewhere along the way, the sin that still dwelt in me morphed into a monster. I wasn’t just serving God; I was the god of my little world. I make things happen. I believed the world would fall apart without me. So I kept slaving away.
Not only that, I began to act like a tyrant. I barked out orders because I was too worn out to choose my words wisely. I refused help. When I did delegate but they failed to meet my standards, I would grumble in frustration and redo their work.
By God’s grace, the Lord redeemed my life from the pit (Ps. 103:3). I was spiraling downward as I looked at the destruction I had left. It was this mess surrounding me that jolted me awake and forced me to turn to Jesus.
I share this in the hopes that you would catch yourself sooner, to spare you from the same results. As Christopher Ash points out in his book, Zeal Without Burnout, this “is not heroism but hubris. It is to claim that I am a level or two above normal members of the human race.”
Don’t wait. Take some time to ask the Lord: Is there some false worship going on in my life?
2. Commit to Christ.
Not only do we want to reorient ourselves to Christ, we want to commit ourselves anew to Him. This begins by practicing daily habits of faith that keep our life in order and challenges us to work by faith, not sight.
Commit to rehearsing the gospel. Remembering who God is puts me and my work in proper perspective. He is the Creator, I am His creation. He is the Master, I am His servant. He is the Father, I am His child. I am dependent, needy, and weak but am made to glorify Him. Reviewing the gospel sets the cornerstone of my faith as well as my work. (Every morning I would review Milton Vincent’s A Gospel Primer to help me.)
Commit to bringing our burdens to Him first, not last. Along with remembering the gospel is facing the fact that we live in a fallen world. Instead of bearing the weight of the world on our own shoulders, I began practicing prayer as a first–not last–resort. Not sure what to say? Try starting your prayers with these prompts: “I feel _________.” “It hurts when __________.” “I can’t figure out ___________.” “It seems wrong that _____________.”
Commit to leaning on Him to do today’s tasks with today’s mercies. As I commit my mind and my cares to Christ, I take a look at that to-do list and ask Him to highlight the three most important tasks for today and then seek to do those things by His strength and for His glory. Limiting it to three forces me to think only for today—I can always pick something else if I complete all of them (which rarely happens).
3. Cultivate long-term rhythms of rest.
While we need to live day-by-day, we also need to build rhythms of endurance for the long haul. Along with daily mercies, learning to proactively plan for moments of rest throughout my days and weeks has helped to create a sustainable life of work and ministry. I work better when I rest.
When I take the time to rest purposefully, I abide in the Vine (John 15:5). If I desire eternal fruit, these are not luxuries but a means of stewardship. They themselves are not the goal, but a means to a greater end: Christ-like character that helps me run faithfully to the end.
Take time daily to identify the good. Even on the hardest days, pausing to recognize and remember God’s kindness to me in the little things kept my heart hopeful and grateful.
Schedule time to fuel your body and soul. This can mean healthy food choices, exercise, and adequate rest. But it can also mean fellowship with other believers who will point us to Christ or pursuing an enjoyable hobby to exercise a different part of our minds. While these can become idols, when enjoyed as gifts from God, they can hearten and encourage us.
Refresh your heart with an extended retreat. Building a one-day retreat into every month to spend with the Lord can be a wonderful way to give your soul the deep refreshment it needs. During these times, I reflect, journal, pray, and plan. Pulling back with God also helps me to push forward with direction and purpose.
It has been seven years since that conversation in the café. As I slowly began to implement these practices in my own life, God has pulled me out of that pit of despair. With David, I can say “He drew me up from the pit of destruction, …and set my feet upon a rock.” (Ps. 40:2) May He do that for you too.
Photo Credit: Joshua Newton