After the passion of keeping your New Year’s resolutions has quieted down, you might start to sink into the reality that old habits die hard. One common side effect of these perceived failures is the mental punishments that you could inflict on yourself: “I’m such a failure, I’ll never get better. Why bother trying?”
But this self-condemnation can actually feed a much bigger problem we all struggle with: legalism. To help us find hope in Christ in the midst of our many failed goals that we already are facing in 2020, I wanted to offer this personal retreat as a respite and place of encouragement for your heart.
As you begin this personal retreat, take a few minutes to pray and prepare your heart. Pray Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”
As you go through this personal retreat, you will likely be confronted with the legalism of your heart that may drive much of the lingering shame and guilt in your life. But please see this careful inward look at your heart as a step toward having a greater upward look to Christ.
As you survey his redeeming love, you will see that failure is not condemning (Rom 8:1), that all your obedience happens because Christ has already set you free (Rom 6), that you have been united with Christ and brought into his rest.
Take time to pray and prepare your heart. It will also be helpful to have a Bible with you.
Step 1: Identifying Legalism
The guilt and shame of legalism is not just an idea. It’s an active part of our hearts that will control our lives and be the driving force behind all we do if we aren’t careful. Consider the following list of perceived failures and check any that have been a source of guilt and or shame:
- I don’t spend the time with my friends, family, and spouse that I should
- I don’t get the projects completed that I should
- I don’t read enough books as I should
- I don’t eat as healthy as I should
- I don’t work as hard as I should
- I talk too much
- I don’t talk enough
- I don’t plan enough
- I over plan
- My gifts and abilities are not as strong as other people
- My sin is the reason for all my problems
- I need to make more friends
- I need to cultivate deeper friendships
- I didn’t spend enough time with the Lord
- I don’t see enough fruit of the Spirit in my life
Other perceived failures or shortcomings that are sources of guilt and shame…
- ______________________________
- ______________________________
- ______________________________
- ______________________________
- ______________________________
- ______________________________
Hopefully, you’re seeing a pattern of how our hearts work: Anything can become a reason to feel guilty or ashamed.
Step 2: Finding Solutions for Legalism
There are only four possible solutions to dealing with the guilt and shame of legalism that you face.
1. Attain perfection
Although this is an option, it’s an unattainable one, as we all know.
2. Stop caring
Hopefully, this is not your case. If it is, please let a trusted counselor know your struggle.
3. Live with the guilt and shame
But accepting the guilt and shame and letting them be your motivation creates a life driven by a cycle of legalism, and you will be unable to find rest.
4. Turn to Christ and remember the Gospel
Turning to Christ does not simply mean going to a happy place where you don’t have to think about how you feel. Turning to Christ in the midst of feelings of failure allows you to see grace, to remember the Gospel that defines you, and it exposes the lies of legalism that have suppressed the truth about the grace of Christ.
Step 3: Turning Away from Legalism
To help you turn to Christ, take a moment to read and reflect on Paul’s testimony of turning away from Legalism in Philippians 3:1-9:
1. Look closely at verses 4-6. What was Paul’s former standard of righteousness, his “confidence in the flesh?”
2. Paul had accomplished what every Jew wanted to accomplish. He was blameless when it came to the law. This means he was incredibly disciplined and hardworking (daily prayers, reading the Old Testament, fasting). He had succeeded where so many in his culture had failed and many looked up to him. This was his source of confidence. He could boast in his accomplishments and find confidence in who he was in the eyes of his fellow Jews. So why does he say in verse 7 that he counts all of his previous sources of confidence as “loss” or in verse 8 “count them as rubbish”?
3. In verse 8, Paul compares all of his accomplishments in this life with “the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” That is why he calls everything else nothing, worthless, garbage, and dung. The Gospel changed what mattered to Paul so much that he says he has “suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Name one or two areas of your life that have been dramatically reshaped by knowing Christ Jesus:
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4. For Paul, being found in Christ (united to Christ by faith in a permanent relationship with him), is ten thousand times more valuable than all of
Paul’s past earthly accomplishments. As you reflect on your relationship with Christ, what earthly accomplishments used to have a great value and have become less and less important?
5. In the past, Paul believed the lie of legalism that said, “all your hard work can be your source of righteousness and your confidence in this life.” This lie focuses all your hope on your performance. Where do you hear this lie in your life?
To help uncover this lie, consider the following questions:
- When do you get angry at yourself? What kind of failings send you down the whirlpool of self-condemnation?
- How would you currently answer these three questions fully(completely) and honestly:
- What is my standard (how do I evaluate myself and others)?
- Who is my judge (whose opinion matters most to me)?
- Where do I turn when I fail (do I rely on God’s mercies in Christ or something else)?
- Legalism can be defined as making ourselves acceptable to God, others, and ourselves through our performance. Write down some of the negative effects you’ve experienced from sustained feelings of legalistic guilt and/or shame. Are there certain thoughts that burden you, oppress you, or weigh you down?
6. Paul calls all of his past work rubbish because those efforts were motivated by a lie. This lie generated a legalistic demand in Paul’s life to “do more.” But Paul calls all of his past efforts rubbish because it came from a deadly lie that could do nothing but send him to hell. Only one thing will count before God: being found in Christ with a righteousness that comes from God, not from ourselves. This is why Paul treasures Christ above all things because only in Christ does he have true righteousness before God.
- Take a moment to pray. Once again ask God to reveal your heart (Ps 139:23-24). Take time to confess any areas of your life where you have looked to your abilities or your performance as something that defines you or as something that makes you acceptable to God and others.
- After confessing these areas, meditate on Psalm 103 and remember the grace of God that is yours in Christ. Consider the sins he has forgiven, consider the pains he has soothed, consider the love and mercy that crowns your life, and consider the strength he renews within you each day.
- Now offer a prayer of thanksgiving for the righteousness that is yours in Christ. You are fully known by your Savior and fully accepted. Christ welcomes you, washes you, and clothes you in his righteousness. While legalism tells you that what you do makes you acceptable, grace reminds you that it is only what Christ has done that makes you acceptable. Grace liberates us from living for our own standards or the standards of others. God has satisfied his standards on the cross through the atoning sacrifice of Christ for our sin and now all we know is grace.
The final way we experience freedom from the guilt and shame of legalism is that all our efforts are now driven by the love of Christ. No matter what you do or don’t do, you’re not only set free from being motivated by legalistic guilt and shame but you’re free to be motivated by the love of Christ in all you do while resting in his grace moment by moment.