Summer came and went mid-breath this year. The short break gave us a deeper appreciation for the intentional rhythm we get to set for the school year and reminds us that while our context of parenting changes, the call to discipleship remains the same.
Now as we stand on the threshold of a new school year, one way we prepare to disciple our elementary age kids is simply by talking with other parents in our church whose lives we strive to imitate. More important than reading a book or attending a conference, imitating the lives of those who love like Christ is a primary way disciples are made in the church (1Cor 11:1). Here are some of the vital lessons we’ve learned that we want to take with us into this new year:
- Pray before responding in anger (Psalm 4:4). We need to acknowledge our anger with honesty. When we feel annoyed, frustrated, all of that is Anger – it says, “this is wrong, I’m against this, and I must respond.” But prayer helps us slow down with God, trust that he is in control, and come back with patience, forgiveness, kindness, and a desire to work on the deeper issues in their heart. And if you absolutely, can’t take a moment to pray, then whisper everything you feel that you need to say.
- Stop and have moments of wonder with your kids (Matt 6:26). Life for our kids is busy. Help them slow down and have moments of stillness and awe before God’s creation. We want them to live lives of worship, so frequently stop and worship God with them. In Matthew 6:26, Jesus says, “Look at the birds of the air” and helps the people consider God’s care in feeding them. So go for a walk and stand in awe of God in the tiny details of a leaf, bird, or flower that shows his power and care.
- Help them learn to talk about their hearts (Psalm 42:11). How aware are you of what your child is feeling? What is influencing their hearts? What looks big to them? What are they trying to do? What are they afraid of? What are they hoping for in their relationship with you? Where do you see God’s image reflected in their lives and can you encourage that? If they are experiencing a painful emotion, can you build an understanding? Can you help them think of someone in the Bible who felt that way? What did they do?
- Create an atmosphere of going to God with everything (1 Cor 10:31). The small and the big, the extraordinary and the mundane. Let your kids hear how you process everything with God. Pray out loud often, at set times and spontaneously. Let them hear you quietly talk to God about your daily needs and his constant care throughout your day. Especially take time to explain the gospel to them, pray for their salvation, invite their questions, and show them how the gospel provides a purpose and framework for everyday life.
- Let your marriage teach them friendship (Eph 5:31-33). Listening, bearing burdens, serving one another in love, speaking about others with dignity and honor, Scripture overflows with relational wisdom for us to display. How we live out the principles of humble friendship with our spouses teaches our kids so many essentials of how to love like Christ through their communication, listening skills, and conflict resolution.
- Personally seek discipleship for the areas you want to see your child grow in (2 Tim 2:2). Once you know how you’d like to see your child grow, then ask, how are you demonstrating those areas to them with your life? In discipleship, you don’t start by asking “what book addresses that issue?” even though that may help. You ask, “how am I living that with my life?” Or perhaps an even more important question, “who do I look to and seek to imitate in these areas?” Your discipleship of your child connects two links in a very long chain that stretches all the way back to Christ. So who is discipling you? It might not have been your Mom or Dad, but God has given us the church so that discipleship never stops. And he has given us his Word so that at any time we have direct access to Christ, the source and the substance of this chain of discipleship.
When we were expecting our first child back in 2015, we overly focused on everything we didn’t want to pass on to our son. We didn’t want him to struggle with our sins and idols. We didn’t want him to be paralyzed by our fears.
But God used our church family to remind us of the grace we do have to pass on to our children. So as the time drew near for the birth of our firstborn, Tim wrote a letter to him as a way to be honest about the reality of our fears and the greater reality of God’s grace:
“Dear son, As your Dad I will sin, you’ll see me sin against you and against your mom. You’ll see my impatience and my anger. You’ll see my selfishness and my love of money. You’ll see my lust and my envy. You’ll see my chains and I will see yours. And I’m sorry, I wish I could tell you that my love for you will be perfect and unconditional, but I know there will be times when I will ignore your feelings or treat you as an obstacle. And though I’m horrified by my sin, I also can’t wait to be your dad because of the hope of the gospel. God has brought heroes into my life. Heroes who teach me, live before me, and love me like Christ. Heroes like the men and women of our church. So, son, I have something much greater than the darkness of my sin to give to you, I have the light of the gospel to pass on to you and a church family that has faithfully carries this light into my life and I know will bring this light to you so that you can one day pass it on.”
The hope we have in discipling our children is not that we will perfectly imitate Christ, but that we have a God who will perfectly love them and a church family all linked in to pour into their lives as they have poured into ours.
This post is part of a short series with reflections from people in different seasons of life as they approach this “going back to school” time of year.
Photo Credit: Hannah Busing