Is DCBC a Pastor Killer? That question stared me in the face in the fall of 2011. I had been serving in Dallas Chinese Bible Church for about six years by then, and I had just passed my ordination exam. DCBC was embroiled in a serious, church-wide conflict that produced division among the pastors, deacons, and elders. One Sunday morning, I found hundreds of mechanical pencils placed all over the church building. On every pencil was printed this question: “IS DCBC A PASTOR KILLER??” I mulled over the question as I hurried around the church building to collect these pencils before anyone saw them.
2011 was the most difficult for me in pastoral ministry. The conflict in the church became unbearable. People in the choir would leave the worship service when the senior pastor got up to preach. Nasty emails were sent to various pastoral staff, and often with entire fellowship rosters copied on the thread. There was a blog titled “What’s happening in DCBC?,” used to post words of anger and frustration against pastors, elders, deacons, and one another. The blog’s URL was written on the whiteboards of various classrooms.
In the end, four pastors including the senior pastor—people I considered mentors and partners in ministry—resigned on the same day. Many more people who were core lay leaders and good friends also left soon after. Within two months, the average attendance dropped from 350 to 180. I still remember a conversation with one of the elders a few days before the four pastors left. He said, “Hey David, you know next Sunday you need to get up there to preach, right?” Truth be told, I wanted to be the next pastor to leave.
As I prayed about leaving, I decided to ask my seminary professor, Dr. Stanley Toussaint, for advice. Dr. Toussaint was a godly professor with a pastoral heart at Dallas Theological Seminary. I had taken several classes with him, and I valued his unbiased opinion. I described what was happening in DCBC and my thoughts about leaving.
He looked at me with gentleness in his eyes and said: “Oh, David, David, this is nothing. You can stay.” My jaw dropped. Did he not hear one thing I shared in the last twenty minutes? Dr. Toussaint then said, “Unfortunately, churches have conflicts. Dr. Walvoord experienced it. Dr. Campbell experienced it. And they all had it worse than you.” (Dr. Walvoord and Dr. Campbell were former DTS presidents).
And then he looked me straight in the eyes and said, “What you have to think about is this – are there still sheep in DCBC? If so, do they still need a shepherd? Would you stay to shepherd them? It is okay to stay. You don’t have to leave.”
That conversation changed the trajectory of my prayers. And ultimately, I was convicted about three things:
- As bad a shape as DCBC was in, it still belonged to Jesus – Jesus was still the Lord of DCBC.
- Like Dr. Toussaint pointed out, DCBC still had sheep that needed shepherding. The exodus of pastors left a vacuum.
- And finally, DCBC wasn’t great, but other churches weren’t better off. Every church had its own share of issues to deal with.
So with those convictions and my wife’s support, I made the decision to stay. The next few years were really, really tough. But God was with me the entirety of the way. How did God help me to persevere? As I reflect on my experiences at that time, there are several things that come to mind:
First, God is faithful. I was convicted that if God were not in it, the church would sink. I realized that I must have a desperate dependence on the Lord. I prayed more for the ministry, and I depended on him. And God was there every step of the way. God’s grace was always sufficient – to sustain me and empower me. He was sovereign and was always working.
Second, I had the support of my wife, Jennifer. She was completely committed to DCBC. In many ways God often used her to speak to me. If she weren’t supportive of me staying in DCBC, I would not have stayed.
Third, I had the support of mentors and a network of pastors. One is Pastor Dan Low from Bread of Life Church in CA. He was my youth pastor growing up and continues to be a mentor to me. There was also the Partnership of Asian American Churches in Texas (PAACT), a network of English Ministry pastors in Texas. They served as my lifeline. People like Pastor David Hsu, Pastor Gaylord Tsuei, and Pastor Fred Tow encouraged me whenever we saw each other. And some of the PAACT pastors took the time to call me to encourage me and pray for me. I also had prayer partners from seminary and friends who prayed for me.
Finally, there was a group of brothers and sisters who remained and co-labored with me in DCBC. We remained committed to following Jesus together and serving the church together.
Persevering through a rough season of ministry was possible because of God’s faithful provisions for me.
It’s been more than ten years since the church split. Over that time, healing has slowly taken place. There were indeed sheep to shepherd, and lost sheep to be found. There were many difficult moments. But God proved ever faithful as DCBC continues its mission to make disciples. Jesus is still the Lord of DCBC, and he will continue to lead me as I serve the flock he has entrusted to me.
Please don’t read my story as “never leave your current ministry.” I’m not saying that. Sometimes, God does call us to leave a particular ministry context. I am still in contact with the pastors who left DCBC during that time. I still respect them tremendously and God is using them in other ministry settings. It is not wrong to leave. But I hope to encourage you to see that staying and persevering are possible. Sometimes it is even more important to remain in a church in the midst of great conflicts and difficulties. God can and will empower you and me to shepherd in challenging seasons of ministry. He will use those seasons to grow our faith and our ability to serve him and his people better. Ultimately, God receives all the glory because he is the one who is at work in us and through us.
Photo Credit: Gabriela Palai