From the time I learned about prayer, my brother’s healing was what I prayed for. Nerd that I was, I read books about prayer thinking God would answer me if I knew how to do it better. I prayed for years and got discouraged, and angry, when they went unanswered. I couldn’t fathom why God wouldn’t answer even a selfless prayer as that of someone else’s health. Were my prayers not good enough? Had I done something bad, had my family? Was this a curse of some sort? Did God simply not care, or… not exist? All these thoughts swirled around in my young mind as I tried so hard to make sense of it all. I was particularly stumped when I read a book on prayer by a missionary who said it was important to be specific in our prayers. For example, he needed a bike to be able to get around the rural village he was serving in, and when he prayed, he prayed specifically for a red bike; lo and behold, there was a red bike waiting for him outside his door the next morning. Only I couldn’t do this. My brother had Progeria and this illness was so distinguishing and comprehensive that for me to visualize a healthy version of him would require physically altering his appearance completely–into that of someone I wouldn’t be able to recognize. It felt like I would be wishing and praying for a different brother and not my own. I loved my brother, as he was; I just didn’t want him to be sick or to die prematurely, which he did. All these years later, if I were to go back and give some advice to my younger self, it would be this: to give thanks.
Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Be thankful. Thank God for the brother I was given. Health, as great as it is, is not the end all be all. Instead of wishing for something different, simply soak up all the time we did have while he was right there. He was an amazing kid and thoughtful brother, and even though my love for him wanted a different version of him, he was perfect the way he was. Despite limitations, he lived a very full life and was so loved by all of our family and his many friends – what more could I have asked for! God was giving me something far greater than a ‘normal’ brother without any distinguishing uniqueness, but the world and I just didn’t have the eyes to see that.
Recently, at our church’s Women’s Simulcast with Beth Moore, we learned that what we ask for in our prayers pales in comparison to God’s transforming work through our prayers – the work of growth and change in us. Those years of praying, seeking, asking, searching, it did something in me. It changed me. It made me search for something this world could not give. It led me to Someone who listened to my pleas and comforted me in my desperation for healing for my brother, for our family, for me. God’s presence comforted me–over and over and over again as days, weeks, and years went by with this prayer unanswered. Beth Moore also shared that, “petitions requiring persistence are more rule than exception.” If God does not change, why would we need to petition Him over and over. Our prayers bring us and position us into His presence. I was a fairly typical teenager and would not have spent endless times reading, praying, and placing myself in God’s presence much if it were not out of desperation to see my brother healed. And I think about that a lot. How my time in His Word and in prayer shaped so much of who I was becoming. The years ahead would be full of times I would need comforting, and despite the unanswered prayer, I was always oddly comforted in my times of prayer. It was always enough to get me through that day, day after day. I have yet to find anything in this world that is equal to its palpable comfort.
Photo Credit: Jessica Mangano