“Have you gotten your pink again?”
During the breeding season and while raising their young, both male and female flamingos lose their pink color. So on social media, when parents feel like themselves again, they share, “I found my pink!”
From the outside, I met all of the markers of being an adult. I have a loving husband, an adorable son, and a job I’m thankful for. So after almost two years of being a mom, you’d think I could say, “I’ve found my pink.” But honestly, it’s the opposite. I feel like the dullest, ugliest color as if somewhere along the way, I lost my color (myself) even more. That’s why I’m sitting on the floor of my parents’ living room, crying about how exhausting each day is. The never-ending rhythm of work, chores, mom guilt, and toddler tantrums leave me completely drained. I feel stuck and tired, with no end in sight.
Thus, I become a baby again, whining and crying to my family. Rather than scold me with tough love and firm words, my parents hug me tight and wipe away my tears. When I finally calm down enough to listen, they encourage me with the wisdom they’ve learned as parents and as children of God. Their words remind me of God’s truth, and I’d love to share them with you.
1. “You are not stuck. A decision may impact a season of your life, but you can choose a different path later.”
My parents reminded me that moments of despair often come when we feel trapped and there seems to be no way out. That’s how I felt about juggling family, finances, and career. But they reminded me that aside from the commitments I’ve made to my marriage and my children, there are always alternate paths that God has in store for us.
2. “Your emotions are valid but don’t make life decisions on them at the moment.”
It’s very easy to let my guilt and exhaustion lead to an impulsive decision. But God calls us to pause and look toward him. A verse my dad once shared during a prayer chapel that still roots me is, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6). Let yourself have emotions, but handle them wisely.
3. “Life (work, parenting, marriage) is supposed to be hard according to Genesis. We need wisdom in knowing which hard we choose.”
I can always do more. Some days, I crack open my laptop and work late into the night. Other days, my son is sick or simply needs me, so I call off work to snuggle with him in bed. Through God’s strength, we’re able to handle so much. However, that doesn’t mean we’re meant to handle everything. That’s why we must discern which hardships we pour our hearts and time into.
4. “Know yourself and look to a more optimal life for you and your family.”
I used to think that not having a full-time job would be best for me. But after some time, I’ve come to understand myself better. Aside from financial reasons, my job gives me the opportunity to represent God to my coworkers and to work on projects outside of my motherly duties. What an optimal life looks like will change with each season, and yours may look different from mine. Our responsibility is to be thoughtful and prayerful as we seek to understand ourselves and our families.
5. “Kids are more resilient than we think. They don’t always need everything they desire.”
My husband and son were walking down the street when they saw a bus parked with its doors wide open. My son made a beeline toward the bus, kicking and screaming, “BUS! BUS! BUS!” Obviously, my husband did not let our sobbing son get on the bus, and shortly after, our son forgot all about it. As a first-time parent, it’s easy for me to want to give my child the world and more, but it’s also important to teach him boundaries and discipline so he grows up in the ways of the Lord.
6. Don’t feel pressured into believing you need to decide today or have the answer today. If in doubt, remember the thing that God told you to do last and keep being faithful to it until he tells you otherwise. Have peace and confidence about that today.
This last piece of advice my parents shared hit me deeply. As someone who thrives off a five-year plan and a fully scheduled Google Calendar, this call for total surrender is both nerve-wracking and oddly comforting. I don’t need to know the answer to every single thing for my family and child. Rather, I am simply called to live a godly life (Titus 2:11–12) and to be faithful to the command he last gave me.
I hope these words of wisdom from my parents will bless you just as they have been a blessing to me. To end, I’d like to add my own tip: seek out a community of seasoned, God-seeking parents. These are the ones who have walked the same path as you. Not only will you feel less alone, but you’ll leave feeling refreshed and encouraged to continue on this marathon we call parenthood.
I haven’t found my pink again, but I have a God and community who color my life with grace and love as I learn to love my child and myself.
Header Photo Credit: Immo Qegmann