This is the last post in the series answering the question, “How do we counsel suffering brothers and sisters in Christ?” In part one, I introduced the idea that suffering is never simplistic. In part two, I argued that suffering saints need God above and how Jesus meets that need.
My answer to “How do we counsel suffering brothers and sisters in Christ?” is “Show them Christ, our suffering Savior—our suffering substitute, our sympathetic sufferer, and our suffering bearer.” I think that is a sufficient theological answer. But how that theology works itself out in practice is just as crucial. So, for the last post in this series, here is my list of things to think of when you’re serving suffering people.
1. Don’t assume they are sinning.
All suffering is a result of sin. However, someone’s particular suffering is not necessarily the result of their personal sin. Don’t be like Job’s friends who assumed that because Job was suffering immensely, he must have been doing something really bad. There are true victims, and we ought to be ready to defend the weak, seek justice, and comfort the hurting in godly ways.
2. Minister to the whole person.
Suffering impacts the entire person: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Therefore intelligent, compassionate care must minister to the entire person. When Jesus met suffering people, He often took time to speak to them, touch them, serve them, and then heal them. So when you meet suffering people, love them, listen to them, buy them their favorite food, write them a letter, plan to hangout together, pray with them. Don’t be all spiritual and try to dig out all their problems in conversation—minister to the whole person.
3. Be balanced.
Speaking of the whole person, a popular biblical counseling paradigm that I like views people through three simultaneous lenses: as saints, sinners, and sufferers. That means no matter who we’re talking to, we can look for (1) evidence of God’s grace, (2) difficult things that have been thrust upon them, and (3) ways they’ve sinned by not responding well to their circumstances. I’ve found that using this paradigm keeps me balanced in my view of the person.
4. Be patient.
Love is patient. 1 Corinthians 13 lists that first for a reason. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 says to be patient with all people. If you’re not patient, you’re sinning. Period.
5. Be quick to hear, slow to speak (James 1:19).
As one person said, God gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them in proportion.
6. Ask good questions wrapped up in love.
- I’m here to help. What’s going on?
- What hurts the most?
- How would you summarize what you’re feeling in a few words?
- How do you pray for yourself?
- How can I pray for you?
- Where is God in all this? If you could ask God any question right now, what would you ask?
- If you had a magic wand to fix everything about your life, what would you change first?
- How can I tangibly, practically walk with you through the time?
7. Be gracious.
Suffering people are sometimes at their worst. They say scandalous things—like Jeremiah and the psalmists. So, be gracious, as God has been gracious to you. Remember, before the foot of the cross of Jesus, we are all weak and need the mercy and grace of our Savior.
8. Show them Jesus.
Biblical truth must never be divorced from the Savior. He is what suffering saints need most. This means showing them Christ in the Scriptures in a compassionate, tender way—not hitting them with a theology stick.
9. Suffer in community.
Christian suffering is a community burden. “And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it” (1 Cor 12:26). Your brother’s suffering, your sister’s suffering, is your suffering, and not only your suffering, but the entire church’s suffering. Suffering people need a community of people caring for them as brother, sister, friend, encourager in Christ. That doesn’t mean you blab about their suffering; that means you encourage them to share with others as they see fit.
10. Be gentle and bear one another’s burdens (Gal 6:1).
More than a “counselor,” suffering people need a friend. Be a gentle friend, someone that carries the load with them.
11. Don’t be afraid of the dark.
As I’ve already mentioned, most suffering is not a problem to fix as fast as possible, but a valley of darkness and death to walk through (Ps 23:4). Thus, the goal of counseling suffering people is not necessarily to fix their suffering or circumstances—many times, that’s impossible for us—but to walk through the valley with them. Do not be afraid to go through dark places with them.
12. Preach God: that He is good and that He is sovereign.
Our theology of suffering hangs on these two things: God’s goodness and God’s sovereignty. It is not easy to explain why suffering comes in light of those truths, but God is not ashamed of it, and neither should we be. The “answer” to how these can both be true is the cross. The worst suffering in history is Jesus on the cross—and God planned that suffering to accomplish redemption!
13. Endure.
Suffering and its effects will not be done away until we are taken home to Heaven. You and I both carry scars that will not fade. There are some things that you can’t just “move on from.” So step by step, keep walking, and trust God for His timing.
14. Long for heaven together.
On that day, every wrong will be made right and every hole in our hearts will be mended! Peace shall reign, every question will be answered, and Christ and all that He is awaits us!
15. Give them hope.
In life, God does heal our wounds. He ensures that we are no longer defined by our sufferings, but by the abundant comfort we have in Jesus Christ (2 Cor 1:3-5). Lean hard, again and again, into the mercies and love of Jesus!
16. Praise God with them.
Christians ought to deal with suffering by lament, prayer, thanksgiving, and praise to God. So look up to heaven and sing! Read the psalms over and over with them. Some of my favorites in the midst of suffering:
- God Moves In a Mysterious Way
- I Ask the Lord That I Might Grow
- My Hope is Built on Nothing Less
- All I Have is Christ
- When Trials Come
There is much more to say. But let me end with this. William Cowper lived in the 1700s and struggled with chronic depression, mental breakdowns, and multiple suicide attempts—even after his conversion. Reflecting on the God who had allowed him to live with such persistent melancholy and darkness, he wrote this poem:
God moves in a mysterious way
his wonders to perform;
he plants his footsteps in the sea,
and rides upon the storm.Deep in unfathomable mines
of never-failing skill
he treasures up his bright designs,
and works his sov’reign will.Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
the clouds ye so much dread
are big with mercy, and shall break
in blessings on your head.Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
but trust him for his grace;
behind a frowning providence
he hides a smiling face.His purposes will ripen fast,
unfolding ev’ry hour;
the bud may have a bitter taste,
but sweet will be the flow’r.Blind unbelief is sure to err,
and scan his work in vain;
God is his own interpreter,
and he will make it plain.
Father, comfort Your people with the mercy and grace of Your Son. Show us His suffering and compassion, that we would find Him all-sufficient in our suffering. Amen.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on Keith Fong’s blog, The Art of Godliness. It has been republished here with permission from the author.