In this conversation, Danny Kwan and Monica Kim discuss their book ‘Teenagers and Mental Health,’ focusing on the mental health challenges faced by teenagers and the role of parents, pastors, and youth leaders in addressing these issues. They share their personal experiences, cultural context, and the importance of compassion and understanding in youth ministry. They also emphasize the need for collaboration between caregivers and the church to support teenagers effectively.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Mental Health in Teenagers
03:18 The Journey to Writing the Book
06:39 Personal Experiences and Cultural Context
10:42 Advocating for Mental Health as Asian Americans
15:38 Understanding Specific Mental Health Struggles
20:34 The Role of Caregivers in Mental Health
25:53 Advice for Youth Workers
29:54 Collaboration in Creative Projects
Transcript
Aaron Lee:
Hi everyone, this is Aaron for SOLA Network. I am here today with Danny Kwon and Monica Kim. You guys are married and you are together finally in the same room! I don’t know — you guys usually record in separate rooms, so it’s great to see you in the same room today. Thanks for taking this podcast.
I want to talk today about your book Teenagers and Mental Health: A Handbook for Parents, Pastors, and Youth Leaders. Can you please introduce yourselves and briefly tell me about your book?
Monica Kim:
Well, my name is Monica Kim. I’m a biblical counselor and a licensed psychologist, working in the field of counseling and doing ministry for over 20 years.
Danny Kwon:
And my name is Danny Kwon. I serve at a ministry called Rooted Ministry, which trains parents and pastors to disciple teenagers. Before that, I was a youth and family pastor for 29 years at one Asian American immigrant church — and I’m still alive!
So our book is called Teenagers and Mental Health: A Handbook for Parents, Pastors, and Youth Leaders. And, you know, the title is pretty self-explanatory. It’s about the mental health of teenagers and how to minister to them and their caregivers — their parents. We really wrote it partly out of seeing the continual rise of mental health issues, which have become almost epidemic. All youth workers see it in youth ministry, and Monica’s seen it in her work as a psychologist and biblical counselor.
Monica Kim:
And so the book is divided into two parts. Part One describes the foundational principles and practices for ministering to teenagers and families dealing with mental health issues. There are parts in it that are specific for parents as well. Again, we wanted to provide this resource for parents, pastors, and youth leaders — not just for youth leaders or the church. The second part goes through specific mental health struggles and how to care for teenagers with some more specific issues.
Aaron Lee:
Thank you for writing it and for sharing it with us. Before we get into the other questions, I’m going to throw you a curveball right off the bat. How did this book come about? Because this could have been a long time in the making, looking at your different careers and involvement in ministry. So yeah, how did the book come about? And then if you want, you can go ahead and dive into how you got into youth ministry and psychology — and Christian counseling — from there.
Danny Kwon:
Yeah, I guess for me, just being a youth pastor for so long — you know, there’s a 1964 Supreme Court case I quoted in the book. The judge was asked, “What is pornography?” and he said, “I know it when I see it.” I think all youth workers see this rise in mental health issues among teenagers — almost to epidemic proportions.
We’ll talk later about how we had a personal family issue with one of our teens and mental health. For me, as these issues arose more and more in our church, I was just blessed — not every youth pastor is married to a psychologist and biblical counselor, but I was. So I could always ask her, “How do I deal with this? What should we do as a church? Should we send them to a professional counselor?”
Over these years of experience, that was part of the impetus for me wanting to write the book — to help other churches and parents dealing with teenagers’ mental health issues.
Monica Kim:
And to add to that — because of the way we work together — he really wanted to write this book with me. And while, in my own heart, it is a really important area of ministry where I feel deep compassion and care, it really took him to spur me on a little bit more to hop onto this writing project with him.
Danny Kwon:
I mean, she has so much to contribute and share, and she’s always been so helpful. I think this tag-teaming of a youth minister working with teenagers and families, and a counselor and psychologist, has been a really good combination — working together to serve teenagers in our church and to help other youth workers and churches deal with mental health issues among teenagers and parents too.
Monica Kim:
I’ll just dive right into that question about how we each got into youth ministry and psychology or biblical counseling. I actually started in youth and children’s ministry when I went to seminary — and that’s where I met him. After we graduated at the same time, we got married and started ministry together.
So I just kind of worked alongside him in youth and family ministry. In those early years, there were so many students who struggled deeply with various mental health issues — some pretty severe. That aspect of mental health in youth ministry, even in the Asian American church, was not unique to us.
So that began a real recognition of the need for more understanding, because parents really looked to us. They didn’t know anything about mental health issues or how to even think about resources. It was confusing and shameful too. They often came to us to get more understanding. That really spurred me on to get more training in biblical counseling and then further in psychology. That’s how I got into psychology and biblical counseling.
Danny Kwon:
And the book wasn’t written for Asian Americans only, but a lot of our experience comes from the Asian American context. So, you know, if you’re Asian American, you might recognize some of the issues — the lostness of teenagers and parents struggling to understand mental health and how to respond.
For me, I never meant to be in youth ministry for 29 years, but over the years in seminary and full-time ministry, while my friends went into associate pastoring or church planting, I just felt a calling to youth ministry — especially in the Asian American context — to minister to parents and help them disciple their own children. So that became a lifelong calling for me.
Monica Kim:
I just wanted to clarify — some of the stories are definitely related to Asian American teenagers, but there are also a lot of stories that are quite diverse. Just wanted to note that it’s both.
Aaron Lee:
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Thanks for sharing that. I’ve been listening to you guys for a while, and I’ve known you for a bit, but I didn’t know that you met at seminary. Monica, I didn’t know your background — that you weren’t necessarily going into counseling right away. It was kind of like a side quest, or something adjacent to it. Yeah, that’s awesome.
Monica Kim:
Yeah, because of the deep need.
Aaron Lee:
Danny, I’ve known that you’ve done youth ministry for a long time too. It’s cool to see you stick with it — it’s actually inspiring. You mentioned the book isn’t just for Asian Americans — it’s for everyone. But I do want to touch on that, because that’s a big part of your identity, especially knowing you from the Asian American Parenting Podcast. So what does it mean for you to advocate for teenage mental health as Asian Americans yourselves?
Danny Kwon:
Yeah. For me, specifically being a youth pastor in an Asian American immigrant church, we’ve really tried to do youth and family ministry with parents. This book is for parents and churches.
In the Asian American context, counseling has long been viewed as shameful — something you can’t talk about. But in the book, whether in the Asian American context or not, we talk about providing compassion and care, and being open about mental health struggles and how they impact families. Especially in the Asian American church, we see families and teenagers struggling in silence. They don’t know who to talk to or what to do. That was a big part of our heart in writing about mental health.
Monica Kim:
I’ll just add a little bit. For me, as an Asian American, advocating for teenage mental health is also personal. I share some stories in the book about when I was a teenager struggling with deeper mental health issues — like depression, especially my first year of college. I struggled deeply with shame and loneliness, feeling like I had no help but God — the greatest physician, counselor, redeemer.
Even though my parents were compassionate, I didn’t know how to talk about it. That sense of shame kept me silent. So having gone through that personally, I want to advocate for teenage mental health and provide resources like this book to reach out to others.
Danny Kwon:
And our hope is that the church would partner with parents and teenagers — to be open, to resource them, to minister with compassion and care. Churches and parents can take those first steps. I’m not a mental health professional — my wife is — but there are still ways we can show care and walk with teenagers.
Aaron Lee:
Yeah, I know from reading the book that it’s personal — but it’s good to hear it in your own voices. For Danny, it sounds like this book opens up the conversation for Asian Americans, and for Monica, it sounds like it gives language to your own experiences so others can understand what youth are going through.
Your book goes through specific mental health struggles in the second part. Did any of them stand out to you in particular?
Danny Kwon:
They all do, really. Over the years, being married to Monica, I’ve had to learn about things like suicidal ideation, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. But more than one specific issue, what’s stood out to me is how much compassion and long-term care the church and parents can provide — walking with teenagers in their struggles.
We believe in the power of the gospel, the Word of God, the power of Jesus and the Spirit. But sometimes we think, “Hey, if we give them the gospel, they’ll be better.” With mental health, though, it’s a real journey. It’s not simplistic answers — it’s compassion and care over time.
Monica Kim:
Like Danny said, there’s not one specific struggle that stands out. What we hoped was that parents, youth workers, and churches could take things in bite-sized ways — one step at a time.
The second part of the book is divided into categories not to label people, but to make it easier to grasp each issue.
And the first part of the book really sets the foundation — the relational context of the church and the hope of the gospel. So we include practical exercises that flow out of that hope.
Aaron Lee:
Yeah, that’s great. I think that’s a good reminder that you can’t just go around diagnosing people like, “Oh, you’ve got this.” We’re complex beings, and there’s overlap between these struggles — you can’t just say, “This chapter is for this kid right here.”
Monica Kim:
That’s right.
Aaron Lee:
I want to talk now about the caregiver part. You talk about the health of caregivers in your book, and that stood out to me. You could write a whole other book just on caregivers’ mental health. In what ways have you wrestled with that yourselves as caregivers?
Danny Kwon:
Well, as we wrote in the introduction, one of our children in middle school was bullied and had some mental health struggles. If I wasn’t married to Monica, it would have been even harder. I didn’t understand it; I didn’t know how to help. Sometimes I got angry or scared. It was a real journey.
So in addition to seeing students and people Monica counseled, I’ve experienced it as a parent. That’s part of why we wrote this book — for churches to care for parents and help them care for their teenagers.
Monica Kim:
Yes, and I think of Ecclesiastes — about how when one falls, another lifts them up. That’s what we experienced. Even though I had the training, it was still heavy. There were worries, downs, and ups in the journey. We had to persevere and focus on the hope of God’s unfolding good plan for our child. It was long-suffering, but we leaned into the Lord together — taking one day at a time with the hope of good to come.
Danny Kwon:
And that’s our hope for churches and parents too. We’ve seen how teenagers’ mental health struggles impact families. We hope this book helps parents and churches walk with both teenagers and parents.
Aaron Lee:
Yeah, absolutely. That’s one of the first things I remember reading — right at the beginning — that this book is not theoretical but practical. You’ve lived it out. It’s thoroughly Christian, and I think there’s a thread of hope throughout. You also address the church as a whole — not just youth workers.
So, give me some advice — as someone also in youth ministry, getting older. What advice do you have for people like me still doing youth ministry and trying to stay up to date, like reading your book?
Monica Kim:
I’ll be quick. Don’t go it alone — whether younger or older in youth ministry. Keep building partnerships and walking together in caring for youth who struggle. And as you soak again and again in the deep, overflowing grace of God through Christ and His church, continue to care compassionately — one conversation, one hardship at a time.
Danny Kwon:
For me, whether older or younger, I really believe in partnering with parents — in mental health and in youth ministry in general. The Bible and research both show parents are the primary disciplers of teenagers, but they need youth workers to walk with them.
Being a little older, Aaron, can help — parents see you as more relatable. I always make sure to greet parents when dropping students off or on Sundays. Let them know you’re available and want to walk with them.
And for younger youth workers — don’t get discouraged. Keep going and keep partnering with parents.
Aaron Lee:
Yeah, thanks, guys. Okay, one more surprise question — and this will be it. You guys are inspiring to me. For me and my wife, it’s hard to do creative things together. How do you guys do it? How do you work together on creative projects? Any tips or tricks for me and my wife?
Monica Kim:
My goodness, that’s a big question! Definitely make it a safe place to brainstorm together — don’t reject each other’s ideas as you’re trying to be creative. Whether in ministry or with this book, that was important. There were mistakes, struggles, difficulties — but we kept it loving and safe.
Danny Kwon:
Yeah, just yesterday we were doing marriage counseling with a couple and talking about teamwork. For example, with podcasting, I like to be spontaneous — just do it — but Monica likes things more scripted and planned. We’ve had to find that middle ground.
It’s been a process of teamwork, learning to appreciate each other’s styles. I’ve had to embrace the need for planning and structure too.
Aaron Lee:
Yeah, sorry for the surprise question!
Monica Kim:
I think a big theme is: we’re on the same team. How do we say “we” — and build toward that — even with our differences and difficulties? That’s what we’ve had to do: build the “we.”
Aaron Lee:
Well, you guys are doing a great job. Thank you for inspiring me, and congrats on your book together. I look forward to hearing more from you. Thank you so much.
Danny Kwon:
Thank you.
Monica Kim:
Great. Thanks for having us, Aaron.