So you got your mom flowers, bought her brunch or dinner, and posted her photo with an appreciative caption on Instagram.
Now what?
We may have done an exceptional job on Mother’s Day, but how can we continue to love and cherish our mothers throughout the rest of the year? We know the Bible commands us to, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). So how can we do this practically?
One excellent way is to ask your mother questions about her life. Oftentimes we only see her through the lens of “mom.” But she had a life before you were born, and she continues to have experiences that you just don’t know about. Sometimes those hidden areas of her life can be filled with blessings and context that can make your relationship with her rich and fruitful.
I know this can be especially difficult for Asian Americans and children of immigrants because of language and cultural barriers. Our mothers often want to shield us from their hardships or they don’t want to think back on past difficulties. But I hope this activity can bring love, hope, and healing to your relationship with your mother. I hope these ten questions will help you to see your mom not only as a parent but as a woman made in the image of God who you are called to love and serve.
Feel free to print this list, take some screenshots, or bookmark this page for future conversations with your mom.
1. What’s your life story?
This is a question that might require multiple conversations, but having a holistic view of your mom’s life and seeing what she considers to be formative experiences can be insightful. If your mom is a Christian, you can ask her specifically about how she became a Christian. You can see below for other questions that can help get this conversation started.
2. What was the hardest move of your life?
If your mom was an immigrant, you might just assume that the move to America was the most difficult. But perhaps there’s a different move that was even more difficult. Or there will likely be details you learn you didn’t know about that will add more context.
3. What was your childhood neighborhood like?
This can be an easier way to get more context about your mother’s earlier years in life. Was it safe to play outside? Were there other kids around? Were there fences and gates or open fields? From here you can ask about other childhood experiences.
4. What was your favorite song when you were in high school?
There are lots of variations to this question. What’s your favorite karaoke song? Favorite sad song or ballad? What’s a song that always makes you dance? What’s the first album or vinyl you bought? Which songs were the “soundtrack” to your life? Bonus: You can make her a playlist or CD as a thoughtful gift in the future (especially if your mom isn’t tech-savvy, this will be an amazing act of love).
5. What is a hobby you did as a kid that you wish you could pick up again? What’s a hobby you want to pick up now?
This can be another question that can turn into something more. Does she want to do more art? Go to a paint night with her. Sign her up for a sewing class. Take her to an outdoor concert.
6. What’s the most you’ve ever dressed up for something?
The obvious answer might be her wedding, but ask for details! Or push further and see if there’s a gala, opera performance, or some other event where she got dressed to the nines. You might get a cool (or mind-blowing!) story out of it.
7. When were you the most scared? When were you the most proud?
This might be a question that will require some reflection, so you can save it for when you have more of a rapport with your mom. You might also think about reciprocating and sharing your own personal experiences.
8. Who was your best friend growing up? What adventures (or misadventures) did you go on?
Having her share stories about her childhood might open up a window into her life. Was she the mischievous one who always got her friend into trouble? Did she hike mountain trails? Have study parties?
9. What was your relationship with your parents like? Did it change over time?
You’d be surprised to see how your relationship with your mom might mirror her relationship with her mom. Or perhaps she tried to be the opposite of her own mother with you. Dig deeper and you might see what makes your relationship tick.
10. How can I communicate with you better?
This is a hard question to ask because you’re going to have to listen to her and perhaps change your behavior depending on what she says. Does she want to spend more quality time with you? Have you call or text more often? Be nicer in your tone? And yet, this is one of the most important questions to ask because it will help us to honor our mothers better.
Don’t feel pressured to ask all of these questions at once. In fact, you might try to work one question in a week at a time during a mealtime or take your mom on a semi-regular date where you can share more intimately. I would even encourage you to tell your mom that you are purposefully asking her these questions because you want to get to know her better.
I pray that these questions will help you to see your mom as a precious daughter of God and love her and honor her even more.