AALC Transcript: The Lord’s Servant

It’s really exciting to be here to kind of reconnect with California roots. But on a momentous occasion, although there has been varied versions of Asian American leadership conferences with actually same name in previous decades, I think for those of us who have been around ministry for a little bit, it’s just really encouraging to see what really God seems to be doing, at least nationally, on a very on the multiple levels of kind of coalescing some of the Asian American ministries. And I think if you’re newer ministry man, like when some of us went through here, and some people who are older than me went through, they were, they were hacking their way through the bush. There’s no trail. I got to walk in a well worn, beloved path that may be some people ahead of me left food on the way, left the Bible on the way, but some of you who are maybe coming up ministry now, you really are walking a path that has been well paved, has bubble tea shops along the way, eSports centers on every corner, and you’re just really from the standpoint of there’s people that I think you can just look around and find encouragement, and hopefully that would be a testament to what God’s doing. 

So it’s an honor to be here. I have the distinct privilege of doing a good job this afternoon, because if you find this talk interesting and engaging, the Lord will bless you through the word. I hope, if you find it not you will get a great afternoon post lunch nap. Either way, you win. So I think it was really good that I was given this spot during this time. The topic I’m talking about is the Lord’s servant. Now begin with a story. One of the earliest discipleship groups I had at my church in Boston was with some students second years, and I’d been there kind of just a little bit, maybe a year or so, and they asked me, Hey, Enoch, or pastor, Enoch, why did you pick BC, ECS, the name of our church, BCC, Boston Chinese Evangel. Why’d you pick us? You know, why did you go? Why did you pick Houston, Chinese church, whatever, like that. Actually, some of the people knew like that. Yeah, this is a long story, but yeah, some people knew. Some of them are in this room. But anyway, um, so, so I remember looking at them and I go, you know, I heard a lot about Boston and New England. I heard that there’s a great opportunity and need for the gospel here. Could talk about, sort of the call to the Chinese heritage church in this East Coast part. I could talk about how maybe God’s wired me to be in a place with like college students, you know, because that’s about my maturity level and stuff like that. But I really looked at my students. I said, You know what it is? Well, God really led me here to this church. It’s the package. It’s the package. They looked at me what, you know, the pay, the benefits, I mean, the book allowance, man, it was like, I think it was like, 20 bucks. It’s really good. 

Now you’re all kind of joking, because you’re thinking they wouldn’t let a guy come up here really say that. But these sophomores were actually quite upset, like, for a moment. I mean, they’re like, Wait, seriously, that’s why you picked us. The package, the benefits, the opportunities for advancement. And I looked at them, and I said, Well, you know, the funny thing is, if this was any other job than a pastor, we’d be giving each other high fives. Why’d you change from that consulting company to that one? Oh, man, I got a signing bonus right on. If you give each other high fives, we’d say like, oh, that’s wisdom. Good. Now you can take care of that, you know, buy that car for that kid, that teenager, or put some braces on that kid. We would say there are some great things we would we would think that’s wise to look at our careers and our vocations with that line of reasoning. So the question that I would pose is, if that sounds good for everyone, except maybe those in Christian ministry. Is that okay? Is there some way that our thinking has maybe become a little bit it’s a little fuzzy where good sound things like nice benefits and a fair salary maybe have sort of crowded a little bit too much into the world’s thinking, and it’s challenging because I’m in Boston. The only reason they’re in this city is for those opportunities and package and benefits and the elite programs and academics that our region has to offer. I bring in with that because in the same way as we think about leadership, whether in Asian American context or not, but definitely, I hope you’ll see some of the slants from an Asian American, or at least the Chinese American or at least a Chinese American, stuff, because that’s my lived experience. 

As we think about this, I think some of that thinking that might not be, they might not be wrong, but not fully, fully biblical, fully immersed and bathed in the Spirit of God and the Scriptures might have also made our way into thinking about leadership. So I begin with this question. Don’t say it out loud, because you’re Asians. You wouldn’t respond to me anyway, the most of you. But the notion is this, if I were to invite you to write down right now, you don’t have to. You could, if you like. Well, actually, the Chinese will start. They’ve already been taking notes because they’re conditioned. But to really think about you’re joking, but they are or you’re laughing. If I’d ask, what would be a distinguishing feature? Father of the Lord’s servant. I mean, just honestly think of your life, your ministry. Everyone in this room is hopefully interested in ministry and Asian context, whether you’re one of our wonderful sponsors and partners, or whether you’re in the ministry, you came with a lay leader. You’re you’re married to someone in ministry. You just want to check it out. You heard the Chick fil A, whatever it was. You’re here because you have this heart. What would be like one of the top one or two things a distinguishing feature of a servant of the Lord. And I can think of a lot of things, you know, like man, preaching, doctrine, you know, sound theology, courage, vision, character, all these great things. And you know, there’s probably multiple good answers for that. But if we go to the apostle Paul, as he’s telling, a guy named Timothy, who probably is a little timid, probably not as assertive, probably could be. Rather than told to hold back, hold back. Timothy, he was told to come on. You can do it. You can do it, which is what some of us may be more likely to hear. He had a very interesting quality that he wanted to focus on. It’s not the only quality of the Lord’s servant. But in this passage, it’s the dominant one. 

I invite you, if you have your Bibles with you, or you could download in the time I finished the sentence, we’re looking at the book of Second Timothy, and we’re looking at a few verses, verses 2326 and my church knows that the shorter the passage, that’s right, the longer the sermon, but, but, but we have specific timing here, so you’re laughing because you don’t go to my church. Verse 23 second, Timothy, chapter two, verse 23 I’d like us to see what the Apostle Paul would want to encourage a young leader about a distinguishing feature of the Lord’s servant. Chapter two, verse 23 let’s open our hearts and our ears to hear from the living God. Here we go. Chapter Timothy, second. Timothy. Chapter two, verse 23 have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies. You know that they breed quarrels, and the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone able to teach patiently, enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness, God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil after being captured by him to do his will. This is God’s word, and we’re thankful to him. I don’t know that it made your list. It probably would not have made my list had I not thought about this pastor and had the opportunity to reconsider that. But it seems to me that of all the many good things you could say as an essential distinguishing quality of the Lord’s servants is this, they should need they need to know how to deal with conflict. They need to prioritize understanding what it means to deal with people in conflict, to be in arguments, they need to do conflict management, conflict resolution. 

I mean, that’s sort of a secular sounding term, but it’s right here in the epistles that Paul wrote to his protege as he’s about to kind of Second Timothy is kind of probably the end of his life, he’s sensing that and going to be poured out. You have all things man like and he says it earlier, a workman approved by God. A lot of people know the latter part of that verse, a workman approved by God rightly handling the word of truth. But before that, it goes, Don’t get caught up in your reverent Babel. A workman approved by God, a Lord’s servant, is someone that knows how to in a gospel Christ, like way, engage in diffuse, handle, resolve, conflict. So there’s three points I just want to offer really quickly, as we consider this, we kind of as a first point, what is the distinguishing trait and why is it such a big deal? What is this distinguishing trait and why is it such a big deal, which I’ve already unpacked it so my humble professor would say, you already given the punchline. The second point is this, what do we need to do to cultivate that? What do we need to do practically, in our ministries, in our staff meetings, in our Deakin meetings, in our elder meetings, in our personnel committee meetings, what do we need to do so that we can cultivate this distinguishing feature? And the first one is, again, what’s the distinguishing trait? Why is it so important to be able to manage conflict? Secondly, what do we need to do in order to cultivate this? And then, thirdly, after we unpack this, hopefully, hopefully you’ll be with me, and you’ll go, oh, how in the world do we do that? Like, not how is it show me, but how is it possible? You don’t know my church, you don’t know my board, you don’t know the people, my critics. You don’t know Well, I don’t, but I think the Lord does. So why is this such a critical distinguishing feature? How do we what do we need to do to cultivate that? And thirdly, how do we do it? 

So we talked about, what does this distinguishing trait? We talked about being the being someone who can conflict, resolve, manage that. So we’re gonna talk about why it’s so critical. Let’s unpack that a little bit more. Now, and I want us to draw our attention here back to the Scriptures. CHAPTER 20, chapter two, verse 23 look again with me there. It says this, Paul writes, have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies, you know. They breed quarrels, and the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome. Earlier talked about, you know, and it talked about that in verses 14 and 16, the notion of dealing with conflict in Titus three nine and another day we could transfer over there. But in test three nine talks about unprofitable conflicts and examples of foolish controversies and genealogies about the law. And so the notion here is Paul’s really trying to drive this home. But why? Why is this such important deal for us to understand. Well, contextually, there’s one point, and then secondly, sadly, there’s a there’s a contemporary point. But just I want us to understand we are not. Paul is not talking to someone who’s not regenerate, who doesn’t know the spirit and have the living God inside him. Paul’s not talking to someone and he’s going to go out into sort of the pagan arena and to preach open air. He’s talking about in the context of a local church spirit filled, people will have conflict. And so the idea here is it’s a distinguishing trait to manage conflict, because every single one of us can get caught up and dragged down in unproductive, frustrating, nothing good coming out of a conflict. I don’t know if I don’t know if that rings true. 

I know in my life, like every single time when I’m in a conversation, I kind of remind myself, Enoch, you know that you can get drawn into an unproductive, unhealthy, unconstructive conflict. And I guess the issue is when, when we’re thinking about churches or even Christians or Christian leaders, do we go in there believing that not just about, Oh, Pastor, young Amen. I you have you do it all my church. And I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about me, us. And this is very simple point. It might be very obvious, but the notion here is that every single one of us can get drawn in. And I think we know this both in local church on the missions field. It’s a common thing that while funding is important for church plans and things like that, and funding is important for, you know, overseas missions and cross cultural work, but when the greatest reasons people leave the mission field is not because of doctrinal issues or even funding, it’s because we struggle to get along. It’s because we have not fully yet embraced this biblical, apostolic teaching of Paul. And it’s not just Paul’s not just telling Timothy, stop it, slapping him on that just stop it. Stop fighting. I mean, sometimes our preaching and master that all of you, I can make you feel guilty. When was the last time you thought a harsh thought against your leader and point at you like Jonathan, you know, like Knox or Edwards a bit. But the notion, really, it’s not just stop it. It’s before we get there to understand that we have this tendency, this propensity, this proclivity, we can get drawn into foolish conflicts, unhelpful and unproductive, and that’s the basic idea. 

When my kids were young, my three boys, Jason, read intro. So our daughter passed before she was born by our three boys when they were young, I had this routine when they were in Massachusetts. Interesting. There’s no minimum age to leave a child at home. There’s no minimum so I won’t tell you how young they were, but when I picked up my No, I’m just kidding, but, but, uh, but I was, I remember, well, I had this routine when I would leave it. So Karen, my wife and I, we try, you know, we’d say we’re leaving, but really, we went up the driveway and came back, and then eventually we’d go out down to, you know, do errands. But I remember talking to each of my sons, to my oldest son, I would say, Son, you’re the oldest. I need you to look out for the other two and just be careful. Don’t get in fights, and just help each other. He’s like, Okay, Baba. Oh, for you non Chinese, Baba means most holy father. So then I and then I would look at my my youngest son, my youngest son, and I would say, Son, you’re the youngest. I want you to just observe your two older brothers and help them make sure they’re okay. He’s like, Okay, Baba. And then I look at my middle son. I say, Son, you’re like me. You’re the center child. You can bridge both these two. Keep them, keep them, keep them working well together, and that private speech needs them takes, like five seconds each, and then I kiss them all, and then we walk away, and then the house would burn down. They’re fine. That was kind of my way to be intimate and checking with them. But also kind of, you know, this is a great opportunity for them to kind of just perspective that it would be very odd if I was visiting my mother in law, who’s here in Southern California, Fountain Valley, and I was going to take my sons out with me, and my wife, Karen was going to stay with her mom. I said, sons, before we go, look at my mother in law. Mother, you’re my mother in law. I need you to watch and take care of your daughter. And then my wife. If I even approached my wife to give her the talk, she’d be like. Yeah, don’t touch me, because, and we I say that story because, come on, you can talk these three boys whose ages don’t even add up to 10, like maybe a little older than 10 you did. That’s understandable to kind of give them an encouragement and admonishment to not fight. But why would I tell my mother in law. Why would I tell my wife they’re mature adults? 

Well, I guess Paul didn’t think that way, because Paul told elders and pastors and proteges and mentees people he discipled and said, look, it’s it’s so easy. Be careful about getting caught up and drawn into unhelpful, unhealthy, unconstructive, unproductive fights in which no one wins. I guess this is just something the Holy Spirit convict us of, like, do we just believe that all of us are, I mean, maybe to some different degrees. Okay, some of us are more likely to just hold it back or yell, or just different people. But the basic notion here is, if there’s a command the Bible, my general assumption is humans struggle with that. That’s why God said, Be careful of that in His goodness. And so the basic notion here is this, Paul is saying, look, what is a distinguishing feature of a Lord’s servant, of a workman, a work woman, approved by God, that he is trying to encourage and build up to lead a local church, a lead in ministry. It’s understand this a distinguishing feature of the Lord’s servant is someone that is cultivating an understanding of what it means to in a Christ like gospel centered way manage conflict, because any one of us can get drawn into that sort of unproductive, unhealthy kind of quarrel. So if that’s the first point the notion here, then let just, I want to talk about the contemporary thing. I preach a sermon before some of you who are in Texas about six years ago, like this sermon does sound familiar. It’s the same sermon. 

But when I was younger and I thought of ministry Christian leaders, you know, I grew up in the age sort of, I can remember televangelists. I can remember some of their emotional on camera pronouncements. There was embezzlement and money, and of course, there’s always been scandalous things about people lying or about money. But I mean, now I don’t want to fall into availability bias, where we just know we hear about it more often, but we’re definitely hearing about it more often. It leaders are struggling and maybe even having to lose their ministries. And it’s not sexual, obviously it’s not monetary or even honesty. Obviously it’s about culture. It’s about leadership culture, organizational culture, or to take a gaming term that has been put out into the world, toxic culture, toxic work. You know, gamers came up with it when they say toxic work culture, because toxic culture is just the valorant lobby or the Call of Duty lobby, right? You guys can Google that later. But the notion here is this. This is so timely. I don’t know that I could have imagined if you talked to me 30 years ago and says, Pastor Enoch, or Enoch in 30 years, by the grace of God, you might be serving and pastoring a local church. I’ll go, wow. It’s really like, yeah, do you know what will be one of the most famous, publicized, journalistically covered reasons pastors will lose their ministries and be disqualified, and I’m going to say the big one, sex, money, stealing, all this stuff like that. No people are going to be upset about how they handle disagreement in the church. That’s what toxic work culture comes basically down to an unhealthy way to handle it. When I am the leader and I think something, but you don’t think the same thing. That’s really the beginning of the opportunity for the unhealthy. And you know, honestly, it’s more than just unhealthy. It’s, I’m not going to mince words. I don’t want to overly dramatic, but it’s sometimes it’s traumatizing, abusing and harmful. This is so timely, The

distinguishing feature of the Lord’s servant, at least in this perspective from Paul, is the cultivation of managing in a healthy Christ, honoring way the differences in the conflicts we have among people, especially other Christian leaders in the church. So what do we do? What are the practical steps that we can take? What does it look like in our ministries? 

And there’s so much we can go the reason why, I jokingly say, but kind of seriously say, when you have small passages, the sermons go longer. It’s because, like on GPS map apps, you zoom in, you see all the details. But if I have to show you, like, a 400 mile journey, there’s no detail. It’s just, you know, if I’m going to preach to the entire book of Second Corinthians, it’s like, you know, bad church, Jesus. That’s basically the sermon points. But for this, it’s going to be a little bit more. Bit more detail. So I’m going to cover a fair amount of stuff here, but it’s going to go to our next point. But the first notion is this, if a distinguishing feature of the Lord’s servant is how to healthily, biblically manage and deal with conflict, because we can all no matter how many years of Bible and teaching, no matter how many years you’ve been a missionary, no matter how many degrees. You have, how many seminars you taught at, how much money you’ve raised, how many you know, cables you’ve wrapped, whatever it is, we can all get embroiled. So what do we do? What do we do? Let’s look now. Here, take a look at verse 24 verse 24 says this, and the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone able to teach patiently, enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. I see two big principles here. There’s a negative command and a positive command. 

Negatively, there’s a sense of avoid these things, not be quarrelsome. There is a command and an invitation to not get just avoid the stupid idea, avoid the foolishness of it. I’ve had the chance to do a lot of weddings in my years at BCC at my church, and it’s always neat when someone comes back and says, Hey, one of the things you said in your counseling session, of which we had six to eight of two hours each, one of the things you said was helpful. And I’m trying to not think one of the things Okay, okay. And so this has come back to like fashion. This is so helpful. I said, What was it? Was it, you know, what it means to work in harmony as husband and wife, and that mutuality? Was it about like, you know, child, right? What is it like you once said that a husband or wife should never get into a fight over something. You can Google it in six seconds. I said, Yeah. I said that, no, no because, because we literally would do that, we’d be arguing. No, no, no. Start Googling it now. So that’s the kind of a thing in some of our couples. I see them talking, and all of a sudden, one prints out the phone. They don’t argue back. They just start G Oh, and the reason why she said that to me is because they realize these are foolish arguments. We’re arguing over a factoid that, honestly, we can just look online and know who’s right and wrong, because it’s not really about who’s right and wrong. We can just do that really quick, in the same way there’s a negative command to say, you know, just understand what it means to avoid it, and you’ll get caught up into it. And I think that one of the most helpful ways to understand that it was already covered in the first point, which is, if I’m on guard, if I’m aware that I have that tendency, then maybe that’ll help me be humble and approach this conversation and ask for God’s grace. 

But Paul gives a lot more instruction about the positive command. So it’s easy to think, well, avoid them, but it can’t just all be avoiding them. Years ago, I went to a fairly well known organizations, national conference, and there were two well respected pastors. There of two well respected churches there that, if I mentioned, probably some of you would know, and it was the first of this national gathering. So it was very small that year, and so I could actually go up to people. It was probably like one quarter of the people in this room. And so we had a lot of access. I went up to them, and I asked them some questions, and I said, so in my church and my leadership, I have an issue with sort of our leadership. And basically, there are things that our leadership is doing. It’s not like sinful wrong or heretical wrong, but I just think it’s really, I’m not sure that the best things for the church. And so what do I do when I really find myself struggling? I want to submit, I want to be honoring, but I just it’s, I think it’s just killing me watching us make decisions that I think are probably hurting our church members. And so these two pastors said, well, one, they said two things. Number one, have you told your senior pastor about it? And your leadership? I said, Oh yeah, yeah, actually my senior pastor, yeah, very much. So, you know, I’ve told them. 

And number two, have you know, do they understand it and I’ve acknowledged it. I said, yeah, they have actually and did anything change. Well known that. Okay, they said, You need to leave, excuse me, right now, like, no, no, you need to leave your ministry. I was like, what? And this is the reasons they got now they’re all, I think biblical. You have an obligation to steward Your gifts to the maximum impact. Or, if that’s the case, you need to leave graciously before anything gets bad, or it’s okay. You know, God may lead you through different ways before you find a place that you could really kind of sink your you know, get your roots in all those sorts of things. They’re all biblical things. But the way they said it. I remember thinking in my mind, I said, my voice, my lips said, Thank you. My brain said, you’ve never been in a Chinese church before. If I had to leave whenever I disagreed with the older leaders and we, we did not work it out. I told them, you know, through an interpreter what I wanted to say. And they they didn’t agree with me, and I leave that I don’t know. I just I you know. And I think there are times I’m not trying to make joke, if you leave, I’m not trying to say, don’t leave. I’m just saying that I don’t know that just didn’t seem to fit our context. And of course, these two pastors, well respected, if I look back now, are in predominantly majority culture churches and majority monocultural settings. And you know, this is also about 20 years ago, but I thought, Oh, I don’t know if that’s really thank you for advice. I just not, I just so then I came back and told my senior. Pastor, he said to leave, and he looks at me. Were they Chinese? I said, No. It’s like, oh, well, then you’re staying. It’s pretty much so there is an invitation to avoid it, but the second set of commands here be kind to everyone. 

Able to see all these things, we can unpack the list, and we will a little bit, but not in enough detail to really do any of these justice. But the second principle is, on the one hand, what do you do when you sense that there’s opportunities to get embroiled in just fruitless conflict? Try to avoid them. Avoid the conflicts, not the people. Avoid the conflicts. But secondly, there is an invitation, but the Lord’s servant must still engage those people and situations. Let me distinguish between an unhelpful conflict and conversation, but the invitation to still engage those persons and those situations, that’s that’s a little different. The conflict is not helpful this this conversation may rapidly degenerate, but the situation is full of people that God has made in His image and he loves, and we have a privilege and opportunity and obligation, frankly, to still engage, especially if you’re going to be a leader in that context. So there’s a couple of things here we can unpack this, but basically just, let me just mention them. If you look again, verse 24 says the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind everyone. So just before we get to this, everything here is in contrast proposition to quarrelsome. 

The opposite in this passage of quarrelsome is kindness. The opposite of quarrelsome here is able to teach, and again we can unpack the I think the word didaskas is there, but the notion here is the opposite of unhelpful, fruitless fighting is the ability to instruct and teach. And he continues here. The ESV says, correcting his opponents. Oh, patiently, enduring evil. The NIV, to me, drives it home when it says, Without growing bitter, like without growing resentful, I think is some of the forget which NIV translation, but without growing resentful or bitter. The opposite of not being quarrelsome and fighting in pointless arguments is to engage while being kind, while being able to clearly and helpfully, gently and graciously explain all the whole time not becoming resentful, and you’re correcting your opponents with gentleness. One of the assessments we use for marriage counseling, or premarital counseling, has a couple of things. Two of the categories are communication and conflict resolution. 

Some of you pastors who do or counselors who do it might know these tools and communication is pretty straightforward, and a lot of times couples go, we’re fine on conflict resolution. I say, Well, praise God. Why is that? Oh, because we don’t fight. I said, Oh, okay, you know what I found in philosophy, we would call you have accidental harmony, meaning, not because of intentional cultivating virtue, sanctifying, mentality, discipleship. You agree because before you met each other and got married or are dating, you already have similar values. That doesn’t mean you have good conflict resolution. That means you already agree. That’s like saying my umbrella has worked and never failed me ever since I bought it a year ago. But you live in LA it doesn’t rain, and then when you look then when you look from the notion here and so there, this, this assessment tools definition of conflict resolution. 

Actually, this is Enoch’s Definition. Is when I explain to them communication, expressing ideas or thoughts openly. What’s conflict resolution? Enoch, it’s communication under the duress of conflict. How good is our communication when we have hurt feelings, frustrated that you’re not listening to me or I don’t understand you? And so the engagement here is being kind to everyone, able to teach and not growing resentful, being patient and able to do this with great gentleness. There’s an invitation to go here and lean into this and to do all those things now, again, if we had more time, we could unpack each of those things. I could either, alternatively, make you feel really guilty because there’s Asian Americans, so I can shame you into obedience, or I can wish, by the way, Paul is not above shaming people. By the way, Paul is not beyond comparing churches, comparing is biblical. Comparing churches to boast ourselves up or beat ourselves up, not Paul’s spirit. Comparing for the process of learning and baselining and understanding where we are. Paul’s like, you know what? You guys, these you guys see the Philippian church, the master. They’re the only ones. I say this to your shame. I’ll say it again. I’ll say to you, I mean, so you know, he’s technically Asian, right? But when we come here and we unpack these things, but the notion here is of being kind to everyone, one of my tricks on this is, there’s, there’s a sister in our church that I’ve known her. She’s a young woman, young student. She’s the sweetest person. And. And I my wife, and I adore her, and if she ever asked me for anything, I realize, if I tell her that I have a soft spot for her, I’ll pretty much always say yes. So when there’s someone that asks me something and I don’t like that thing, or I’m not sure if I like the person, I go. If such and such a person asks me this request, I probably would think this is not that big a deal. I would jump with the opportunity. And so whenever someone asks me this, I think of her face. And it doesn’t mean you can say yes to everything. It just means I’m trying to what is my emotional response to your request, to your question, to your disagreement, like, okay, there’s people that I love you disagree with me. I’d love to hear what you think, because I bet you it’ll be helpful, or I’m genuinely interested so kind to everyone, and the notion of what means to like patiently endure correcting opponents with gentleness. 

So let me try to unpack what I think might be one of the challenges of when we apply this today, because when we apply this today, and we think about conflict a lot of times, this is sociologically kind of one of the phenomena. Like some people call it. There’s a bunch of scholars here, like, I’m not one of them, but like the big sort or people, kind of, they go echo chambering those phenomena. The basic notion is, how many people do we have closer friendships or ongoing interactions with and discuss the ways we have different views? You may work with people like, if you believe in a literal heaven and hell, and you’re working in a typical job in the marketplace, probably most people around you don’t believe in those things, let alone the exclusivity of Christ. But you don’t necessarily talk about those things. How many people talk about them? And because of that, because of that, there’s this notion that we don’t really know or talk to people that really understand us. And so there are three we think about, why does anyone ever disagree with you in the church, or any time. There’s four reasons, but I only hear people talk about three. Here are the three reasons that you can look online on comment threads and the New York Times, early times, you can look on Reddit threads. You can look and listen to podcasts and political pundits. Here are the reasons why I believe this view and they believe something else. Ready? Number one, they’re crazy. They’re just stupid. They’re just they’re idiots. Why do you think that? You know, I literally told my kids something, or some people that, you know, some people believe that. They go why? And I know, like the ones are crazy. 

Second reason people don’t agree with you, you and your reasonably held position is they’re cowards. They probably, deep down, do, but they just, they’re not willing to say, maybe they’re selfish. Maybe they they don’t want to pay the cost of kind of coming out and saying those things. But they’re either crazy, stupid, I don’t get them, or they’re cowards, or the third one, see this right now, as we go into election cycle, why do you and your sound minded, reasonable people think this? And they think that they’re evil. They are evil. They are wicked. Now I just put it there if you really think that that person is crazy and stupid, foolish or idiot and naive, or that person is just just a weak bellied coward, or this person over here is just, frankly, evil. Do you have any good reason to engage them? I mean, would you really call them up, invite them to coffee? There’s a fourth reason. I think it might happen more often than we realize. The fourth reason that you or I might think something and someone else thinks something different is that they are intelligent, honest and mean, well, but wrong. They’re just wrong. Oh, because they’re stupid. No, they’re actually really smart. They’re just wrong. I well, I think they’re wrong. Oh, because they’re like cowards, they don’t want to say it like it is. No, I actually think that’s what they think is happening. I just, I just have a different analysis. Oh, so they’re evil, like I actually, I think they care. I think their hearts are the right place. Can anyone in our churches or communities, let alone the world, be honestly, intelligently and with integrity, wrong. I mean, the second, the fifth one, but it’s not true. I’m wrong, but this is Asian American leadership conference, so we’re not wrong, but I’m just kidding. But no, really, later on, the passage in another part of the Bible, it says, when Paul’s talking to Titus and Timothy, he’s like, this kind of conflict only hurts its hearers. So maybe that Reddit thread online, or that comment conversation on, oh, the worst is not New York Times or West Washington Post. 

And you know where the worst threads I’ve ever found are my region’s nextdoor.com neighborhood like, whoa, when you get to, like, a butters and land loaner and just like, it’s just and there is a fascination to watch this first of all, because it’s got like, a million hits and a million like, thumbs up or down interactions. But really, I’m not sure that the fascination I get from people. Seeking and satisfying curiosity from watching a train wreck of a conversation is doing me more harm than good. I mean literally, we’re platforming some of those unhealthy conversations, and it’s affecting us again. I’m not trying to make you feel bad for going through the common thread. They are definitely a study and fascinating. But it’s not because we’re cowardly or afraid. It’s because there’s very, very, very little redemptive human value. And if you’re not even a Christian, I think you might even agree. It’s just, let’s stop platforming those things. Let’s stop giving them the most hits. But the algorithm likes the algorithm, and it feeds that. So my friends, part of what it means here is, if we’re going to cultivate what it means to actually try to be this biblical Christ honoring, Spirit led, conflict management, kind of Lord, servant and leader, then there are times we need to know to disengage. And this is, I’m not saying practically, like, walk away. Why are you walking away? Because God told me not to deal with stupid conversation. I’m not saying don’t do that, but at the same time, at the lean into these things, and there’s a conviction for properly. I mean, maybe one or all of them, kindness, patience, enduring, not getting resentful. These are prayer requests. Lord, let me go in there so that I can be kind to them and be able to explain my position. Perhaps it’ll teach them. But as I do so, please help me to not get frustrated. Please help me to be gracious. Please help me to be gentle. 

But you know what? This is not a sermon about good interpersonal skills or emotional intelligence, because you can go to all the EQ seminars that your company has, or all the diversity trainings we can have, and they’re fine if you get good skills. But there’s something spiritual that is undergoing which leads us to our third point, which will go right now. The first point was this, what is the distinguishing feature of the Lord’s servant? Why is it so critical? A distinguishing feature of the Lord’s servant in this passage is the ability to manage conflict in a Christ, honoring Christ, exalting, edifying way. Because we can all get drawn and sucked into conflict, every single one of us. At least, I’m not saying that because I’m projecting on you. I’m saying that because I think it’s in the word, because No temptation has seized us except what’s common to humanity, maybe to different degrees. But I think we can all do this. And so what do we do? Well, Paul puts it there. There’s a time to disengage. There’s a time to pull out. That’s not we’re going to we’re going to eject here. This is not a healthy conversation. There’s a whole you should really look up the QR code and do the biblical counseling on healthy, positive ways to do those steps and practically, tactically. 

But there’s a time it’s healthiest to disengage, not disrespectfully, not rudely, although with wisdom and discernment, and there’s a time to lean into it with kindness and wisdom and gentleness and patience, the people that are your strongest opponents, the people that you just don’t see eye to eye. If you find yourself saying, Well, this is just crazy, the elder board voted what? Oh, they’re so stupid that New York Times op ed wrote that they’re they’re evil. Well, the Wall Street Journal wrote that, well, they’re evil. Like, just so easy. I really wonder if, if we should really be careful, even if we don’t say that out loud, but as we’re reading through comments or hearing things in the news, man, if I’m so quick to call evil cowardly or stupid out there, I have a feeling I’m I’m practicing an unhealthy skill to do it in my local church or my family. But we’re God’s family and the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome, but learn to do this with gentleness, engagement. So if that’s the case, how is this possible? And we come back now. I’m serious, Pastor Enoch, you don’t know my board. You know they joke couple times, like elders, punching, fighting, that’s my church, like, really, or something. And I don’t know your board. But one of the reasons why the gospel is so critical and Central and discover the idols here, which we’ve been talking about in the second session, is that there has to be a Christ centered way that we actually go about this. So the third point is this, how do we do this? 

How do we possibly have hope that these things are not just mere interpersonal tactics to get people to do what we want and think and say, but something really genuine and authentic and profound and spiritual. Let’s continue and finish the passage. Let me begin in verse 24 but really the heart of it is in verse 25 and on verse 24 says this, and the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone able to teach patiently, enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness, God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil after being captured by him to do his will. How can we have the hope. How can we even have the reasonable basis to enter and engage those situations and persons when all the other times it’s been unhelpful and destructive, belief in the power of a God who may yet perhaps grant. Repentance. I cannot change anyone. I can’t change my wife. I can’t change my kids. I can’t change my church. I can’t even change me the way I want to change. And sometimes the idol there is because I need to change this. I need to have the control I refuse to accept that I cannot change it. You know how many qualifiers are here, God may perhaps grant them. I mean, the ESP chance, like he might do it, but he is still God. And so the, notice the three sort of images of repentance here. It’s that of liberation. It’s that of sort of, it’s coming to your senses. It’s that a freedom like again, God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a knowledge of the truth. And here’s the three little images, Paul so dense in his writing. And they may come to their senses. That’s like being awake or coming from a drunken stupor. It’s like all of a sudden, where am I? Oh, they may come to their senses. That’s what repentance might look like. 

Because I just don’t think they will believe this, unless the Lord helps them just sort of come to their senses, or they may escape from the snare of the devil. You can’t just have good interpersonal skills and the two of you in conflict come together. The devil has a snares on you, or mere both of us and this conversation and we have to kind of have repentance, which will break us through from the snares after being captured by him to do his will when we fight in an unhealthy, unproductive way, only Satan gets pleasure, even though we’re fighting about the most important things in the world, people doctrine, What it means to love and serve the world with passion and mission and justice and love and all those things. The reason why we lean in when others might want to give up, when I want to give up, in terms of this person or this situation, and I’m not saying you never disengage, and we’ve already talked about that. And again, this is a bigger principle, but the notion is this, because we believe in the power of God to change hearts, sometimes he will change their hearts. I find in my limited experience, he more often changes me that, oh, I was actually the one that was wrong, or I misheard you. Oh, I didn’t read that email, or I was probably not making excuse, but I realized I was running on fumes, I was tired, I was hangry, I was hungry, whatever those things. They’re not excuses, but they do help clarify. 

How did I get tripped up there? Did you realize that every time two people in conflict resolve it’s only by the grace of God, the common grace of God operating all the time, and the special grace of God and His people, it’s not an opportunity to cop out. It’s just this genuine sense of saying, I believe I don’t need to push this conversation. And so as the Lord kind of has been, and I think not like I’m free, I never struggled, but I think the Lord really brought me past a corner, a turning point in this when I realized I need to make a point here. I need to drive this home. I need to say my argument again. I need to do I need to do this is because I needed to change people. Couple things. Number one, I realized as a pastor and leader, I was over identifying the health or success of my ministry with my self worth. That’s pretty standard. Doesn’t mean it’s easy to get over or see it by the grace of God, but I realized it’s not about me. It’s also not about me getting my way, and again, that that was listen to Harold’s talk, go to biblical counseling, things you know, get healed. I’m just going to but really, so when it comes down to actually in a meeting or in a conversation or in a board or whatever setting, these are some of the things that I found helpful for me. This is not preaching God’s word. 

This is my pastoral imagination, trying to show you some examples in my life, when I’m in a meeting, a board meeting, doesn’t matter whether it’s a board of a college, board of a church, trustees, whatever counseling centers, just these things. There’s only three or four times I will ever actually talk here they are. I will only say something if number one, like assuming, well one, I will only say something if no one else makes the point, because maybe there’s a unique contribution or having a unique experience in a lot of places, in New England, in Boston, I’m the only non white person in the room. So you know, maybe there’s some unique perspective I can offer there. But besides that, here they are. Number one, I will only open up my mouth if I think my talking allows other people to express but they’ve been helping holding back thus far as I’m reading the room having a discussion, I’m sensing there’s some disagreement or concerns, but they’re over here, but they’re not saying anything. Would you guys say something? Come Okay? Um hmm. Maybe you know, before we vote on this, I wonder if x, y, z, and then, oh, actually, I think in my job’s done. Now. I haven’t changed the I haven’t made the decision. I haven’t tricked anyone, but if my words allow people who might be a little more basically Chinese people to say something, then, then that’s maybe one of the times I will actually speak in a meeting. 

Yeah, another way I might talk is, if I sense that I can my comments might tip the conversation in a different direction, like there’s a broad consensus, or we’re kind of going, we’re kind of stuck. Then maybe I’ll make a point, like, Here’s a comment. When I make okay, I know we’re having a lot of back and forth, but when is this event coming? When is the decision making? I might just say that, and then everyone else goes, Oh, okay. And then they kind of drive to resolution. I mean, that’s one time. It’s like, one, open up the way for others to speak, two, to make a tipping point or three, and this is so rare. The third reason, I’ll just say my point, is when someone actually is interested in what Enoch thinks that’s rare, people, that’s just really, really rare, okay, but the notion here is this, and what I mean by that is actually in the solo Council. I wouldn’t have mentioned, but Jason mentioned, I’m on the solo Council, and you’re all thinking, Oh, you’re going to watch on the next zoom that I usually don’t talk for those things. 

And I remember, I was in a pastor’s meeting. I was the youngest pastor in the room, the lead pastor in another network asked the question, and we’re on Zoom, looking each other, and the oldest pastor in the room said, well, in response to that question, I think I speak for all of us when I think it is not possible that Enoch does not have an opinion. So Enoch, I was like, Did you seriously do that? Like, you guys are all older than me. It’s just like, but the notion here is, and that’s why, and here’s the main reason, because God is in charge of his church, not me. It’s for God’s glory, not mine, if it, if it is going to go in a bad direction. Have I done my part to say my peace? Have I tried to graciously do this? I’m never allowed to go into evil and sinful activities just to get a way that I think might actually be more honoring? Because Why am I trying to argue this point? Because I think this is more God honoring. I can’t honor God if I run over people, slander people get it’s just not I have to learn to rest. Oh, it’s sweet. Rest when the church doesn’t depend on you. I’m the Lord’s servant, not the Lord’s fix it, man. I’m the Lord’s servant, not the Lord’s hatchet guy. I’m the Lord’s servant, not the Lord’s closer. I just there’s so much joy when it’s not on you or me, because I don’t have control. I never had it anyway, and I don’t need it. And there’s joy in the decision, even in the conflict. So as we think about this, where there are contexts, if you aspire, if we want to be, maybe thinking about the next generation, this is the invitation. 

And I don’t know about you, but my parents, who were born in China, immigrated to Taiwan, then came to the Midwest, and then eventually moved in LA. They didn’t really have the background to teach me this stuff. It was work hard, keep your head down and go. So I’ve been discipled by them. They’ve learned a lot, a lot about this, and I have learned in here. But here’s the invitation. It’s not now, brothers, sisters, go. Be kind to everyone. Brothers, sisters, stop fighting. Just stop it, stop it. And slap you on the Christian spiritual face. It’s it’s brothers and sisters. These are things to keep in mind, but it comes down to this. It is not the force of my argument, the strength of my character or the persuasiveness of my words that leads to repentance. It is the kindness of our God that melts hearts, keeps hot coals on our heads and changes our minds. Or, as Paul himself says in Second Corinthians 10, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you just straight. You cannot follow that with You’re an idiot. You just can’t do that. I mean, you could. But if you say, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, can we?

Okay, we’ll do it your way. I think that’s what comes after that by the meekness and justice of Christ. Let’s give it a shot. I’ll support you. We’re not talking about insuperable bankrupt the church. You know, people get physically harmed that you know, I’m not saying insuperable sins. I’m saying for the things that we probably get in fights about more often than are necessary, the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome. 

Let’s pray. God Heavenly Father, how practical and scary practical this is. And I wish it wasn’t the case that one of the most challenging things that are costing us our ministries and our leadership and sadly, our reputations is how things play out when we disagree. Now, sometimes it’s because we’ve done so much for this church, these people to understand just just take my word for it, go with it for me one time and But Lord, it’s never about us. Forgive us if it is, and heal us and challenge us and and open our eyes to see you, Lord, we can only do this because we believe in a God who changes hearts and lives. And that’s not just salvific it’s each and every day because we have a Savior who conquered the world. You. You do promise to come in power and righteousness and judgment, but you first came, which is why it’s so hard to recognize you. You came. As a meek and suffering servant Lord. I don’t think we’re ever called to come and take up the sword of the Lord and do that. At least. I don’t know that I felt that way, but I have felt so often the invitation to be meek, to be lamb like more than lion like, and to really leave it up to you, because, Lord, you may, you just may perhaps grant repentance, a change of heart and mind, and it may even begin with us. We pray this in the meek and gentle name of Jesus, Christ, our Savior.