Having been blessed with God-fearing teachers at boarding school, I enjoyed a relatively smooth ride through my schooling years. By the fall of 2021, I was eager to start medical school after a quiet summer scarred by the effects of lockdowns.
Although I have not experienced deep suffering in my life, I would like to share how God revealed my idolatry and sin throughout my first year studying medicine as I faced huge academic pressure.
This was a looming shadow over many life choices: the choice to attend a church or to turn my back, who I would associate with and whether I would chase idols or pursue God.
I Am More Sinful Than I Realize
In my isolation and fear of worldly failure, I found myself entertaining worldly relationships. This was not an immediate occurrence but rather resulted from a gradual hiding and slipping away from the security and joy that God alone provides.
I valued human relationship above honoring God; academic achievement ahead of knowing God. But when our lifestyle and values are indistinguishable from the world, grievously, we portray Jesus as not worth following.
Here is my personal analogy. In the last few years, I developed a strange habit that has caused one of my teeth to chip; probably stemming from anxieties surrounding academic pressures and boredom.
Sin is like this. It is a spiritual reality that slowly but surely erodes our souls. Before long, persistent sin patterns and unrepentant attitudes chip away at our hearts. And this damage is irreversible.
Unless, that is, we repent and receive the love Christ displayed for us at the cross, which clothes us with his righteousness, so that even ‘in this world we are like Jesus’ (1 John 4:17)! For what he offers is far greater and more magnificent than any human relationship or endeavor.
Jesus promises us true life in him, an invitation to feast with him, a new identity, and a deep intimacy beyond our imagination: ‘To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it’ (Revelation 2:17).
God’s People Are A Gift
And yet, God is gracious and grants us freedom in knowing him and generously provides brothers and sisters who hold us accountable to the truth that we have promised to walk in.
My church mentor patiently counseled and walked with me in my struggle with work and relationship idolatry, praying with me over the phone even when she was bed-bound. She challenged me when she did not see me at church; she prayed for me to stay grounded in my church attendance when the world was pulling my affections in the opposite direction.
And my friends’ examples have given me the boldness today to gently call out other people’s sin when I fear it is jeopardizing their souls. James 5:20 says,“remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.”
Wouldn’t it be fantastic when, in the new creation, you bump into a brother or sister and they say to you, “thanks to you and your decision to love me一rather than to be liked by me一I am here today.”
Work Is A Beautiful Gift From God
In his mercy, God provided immeasurably more than I could ever hope for.
At the end of my first year of studies, I met someone who taught me by his example what it looks like to honor God in everyone – including my studies – one of the many things I admire about my now-boyfriend.
He has a piece of paper detailing the reasons why work is a good gift from God. That piece of paper has been my macbook wallpaper for almost a year and a half!
Some of my favorite points of his ‘reasons why I work’ include:
- It delights me to be obedient to God, who spared no labor to save me, for through it I can fulfill the creation mandate.
- It humbles me in awe before the God who created and sustains all the creation I study.
- It has brought cherished friends and rich memories into my life.
- It provides Gospel opportunities to enter, explore, expose, evangelize.
- It provides joy and fulfillment, having been blessed by God, who rewards faithful stewards.
- It exposes the futility of self-reliance in hard times, teaching me to depend upon God.
While I know that my relationship with all kinds of sin is a continuous battle that I will have to fight each day. And, until we see the Lord face to face, we will continually be subject to a myriad of subtle attacks from the devil.
But one thing I do know is that Jesus promises us eternal security in him. Whatever happens, I know that I am hemmed in on all sides by our loving Father, who – thankfully – does not require his children to rank highly in exam scores (let alone in anything else!) and that is joyfully freeing and utterly liberating.
And so, I will work hard – but not for myself – but rather, to make Jesus’ name look really great, prioritizing treasures that last unto eternity rather than temporary worldly praise and success.
Photo Credit: Loic Furhoff