I entered college as a baby Christian who was eager to learn and grow my faith. My church never taught simple theology such as having a relationship with God or spiritual disciplines like prayer or reading the Word, so when I joined a Christian fellowship that talked about these things, I became aware of my ignorance and was hungry for formation.
When my college fellowship launched a discipleship matching program, I was the first to sign up. I couldn’t wait to live under the tutelage of a spiritually mature, older sister, who could guide me and help me develop intimacy with God – something that I heard people talk about, but never experienced myself.
I was matched with a college senior whom I deeply admired, but after our first session, she contacted me to let me know that she was no longer able to be my discipler. Along with the college workload, she started dating and felt stretched on time. Bummed yet sympathetic, I wished her the best and leaned on Friday fellowships and Sunday services for guidance.
In sophomore year, I got another chance for discipleship. This time, I was matched with a young adult. We got along really well. But, after a few promising meetings, she ended up moving to a different neighboring city and we lost touch.
Disenchanted by these experiences, I didn’t sign up for any other discipleship programs for the rest of my college years. I was convinced – they just don’t work. There’s a lack of emotional investment and a time commitment that most people can’t honor.
Exploring Discipleship Through Friends
Even though these discipleship matches never worked out, I still tell people that I was discipled well. It wasn’t through formal, set up discipleship, but what I call “soft discipleship” by my college roommates that I lived with for 3 years: Charissa, Lucy, and Julianne. They didn’t even know that they were discipling me, but because we shared a home together, I was able to see how they lived and walked with the Lord, and understand what it looks like and feels like to have intimacy with God.
Each morning, they had their own personal “QT” or quiet time, in which they journaled, read the Word, prayed, and worshiped. Whatever time they woke up, it was the first thing they did, and I got the sense that it was almost necessary for them to function.
Being an extrovert who absolutely LOVED my roommates, I sprung out of bed right when I heard someone wake up, in the hopes of having a conversation. But as soon as they crawled out of bed and brushed their teeth, they were already entering into their respective quiet times with the Lord. Darn. Looks like I have to wait 30-45 minutes to have breakfast with them.
“QT” was a novel practice to me. Growing up, I’ve never seen what faith looks outside of Sunday, aside from prayer at mealtimes. But, day after day, my roommates would faithfully start their mornings with the Lord, and I observed with great wonder and curiosity.
Snuggled in blankets, Lucy would pull out her pocket Bible and handled each word carefully, as if each word was as precious as a newborn. To not disturb anyone’s slumber, she’d listen to worship music with her wired earphones, and mouth the words. With her wired earphones plugged into her pink phone, she’d listen to instrumental worship music and softly hum to the tune. Charissa would pair the word with a devotion from “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers, and grab the acoustic guitar to play worship in the living room. Shecould play the same chords for hours, just meditating on the lyrics and sitting in God’s presence. Julianne was a diligent student of the Word, with an ESV study bible side by side with her journal. Assuming her position at the desk, she appeared deeply engrossed even in the early morning, scribbling away her analyses, questions, and reflections.
Inspired by their example, I created my own morning practice. I bought a journal, invested into a study Bible, and prepared myself to meet the Lord. I started a “Read the Bible in One Year” plan, and paired it with Oswald Chambers’ devotional. Prior to meeting my roommates, I thought faith and being a Christian was just believing in the existence of God and going to Sunday churches; I never knew the importance of cultivating our faith through spiritual disciplines, or that we can even have a personal relationship with God. In the quiet and ordinary moments of meeting the Lord through spiritual disciplines, I realized how deeply faith can enrich my daily life.
Their discipleship went beyond just encouraging spiritual disciplines. They loved me purely and sincerely, prayed for me when I was discouraged, and supported me in my faith walk. I looked to them for spiritual advice, because they were the spiritual authorities in my life. However, they never wielded that power or seized their spiritual superiority. Rather, they presented themselves as peers, entertained my questions, and encouraged me to look to the Lord. They showed me what it looks like to have a life with God.
Jesus’ disciples also got a firsthand look into Jesus’ life, thoughts, and actions. They were also able to throw their questions, doubts, and fears into the mix, and dialogue. There was a deep relationship that came from close proximity. It was soft discipleship with genuine love and care.
Encouragement For Those Seeking Discipleship
For those who may not have discipleship opportunities at their church, I’d encourage you to consider soft discipleship. For both the discipler and disciple, the invitation is to surround yourself with people who point you towards Jesus, and get heavily involved in their lives.
As we consider soft discipleship, it’s important to first confront our current understanding of discipleship, so we can move forward with a healthy set of expectations. Here are a few discipleship myths I want to debunk.
- I don’t need discipleship → Nowadays, western Christians are likely to see faith as an individual journey. In 2019, nearly two-thirds of churchgoers (65%) agreed with the statement, “I can walk with God without other believers.” (Source: Lifeway Research) In Acts 2, believers met together daily to break bread and praise God. Faith flourishes in community, and the call is to continue to spur each other on in faith (Hebrews 10:24-25).
- Age matters → Discipleship can happen among all ages. It doesn’t need to be an older person pouring into a younger person. 1 Timothy 4:13 reminds us that even younger believers can set the example in faith. We are all part of a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9), which equalizes any spiritual “power” dynamic that comes with age and invites us all to build up the church.
- Discipleship needs to be formal → Soft discipleship doesn’t need to be accompanied with a bible study guide or curriculum. It could warrant a topical study, if that is of interest, but it can also be a regular time of catching up, asking intentional questions, discerning together, and praying for each other. Treating it as a regular catch up eliminates any pressure or insecurity to have something to “teach” or be “taught.”
- The discipler needs to have perfect theology → Henri Nouwen talks about the simple ministry of presence: to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them. This reflects how Jesus lived and operated. Jesus didn’t rely solely on a ministry of education, logic, and rationale to influence and convince His disciples, but He called them out each by name and walked with them. A discipler that is available and loves deeply, is far more influential than a teacher who instructs with no emotional attachment.
I leave you with two simple questions:
- Is there a friend in your life who you could share your faith with? Continually encourage?
- If you’re looking to grow in your faith, is there a friend whose spiritual walk inspires you? Can you set up time to chat with them regularly?
Friends, discipleship doesn’t have to wait until we find the right discipler, or until we have the time to disciple someone. Discipleship has already started as we interact organically with the relationships we have; all it requires is for us to have more intentionality with our conversations, and open our hearts to each other to share what God’s been doing in our lives.
Photo Credit: Taylor Smith