With muffled shouts echoing from the living room, Anne and David, the two children of the Yi family in Minari, hurriedly fold paper airplanes and on them scrawl the words, “Don’t fight!” The next scene reveals the voices behind the angry shouts as the camera pans between Mom and Dad. In an attempt to grab their parents’ attention, the children throw their airplanes.
Twelve minutes into the movie, it is at this exact moment the tears that had been welling up in my eyes fall uncontrollably. The children’s paper airplanes remind me of my own attempts to quell disputes between my parents. One morning after an argument, I remember what I wrote on a post-it note for my parents: “Please don’t fight. I don’t like it when you fight.”
When recalling the most painful and hurtful memories of my childhood and early youth, I immediately think of moments of my parents fighting. How could I not? There is nothing more painful than watching the two people I love most in the world stand at seemingly opposite ends against each other.
Every wound I received due to the imperfections of my parents could have resulted in a perpetual scar rooted in bitterness. But, God. God used what the enemy meant for discouragement and resentment—for evil—to teach me the gospel and draw me closer to Himself. Rising above my parents’ weaknesses, God proved to be powerful and faithful and the source of my greatest comfort.
My Parents Need Jesus, Too
I am glad my parents fought. Though this may sound like an absurd statement, it is to say that witnessing the failures of my parents provided me with the clearest picture of the gospel. I held my parents to perfect standards. My distorted understanding of the gospel led me to believe that my parents being Christians for longer than me would automatically result in a sinless life. Such were false notions. All humans, my parents included, “have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
I would be left in utter hopelessness if that were the end of the story. My joy rests in the fact that it does not. The reality of my parents’ conditions as sinners brought me ever closer to the desperate need for God’s rich grace and mercy displayed in Jesus on the cross. I came to realize that my mom and dad must constantly cling to the saving work of Christ in their own lives just as much as I do.
Recognizing the sins of my parents led me to be overwhelmed with a new sense of gratitude for the power of the cross. God used the flaws I saw in my parents to expose me to my own sinfulness and bring me to repentance. I understood that the brokenness in my family was the exact reason why Jesus came into this world, and I cannot be more grateful for the truth that His shed blood fully paid the costs of both my parents’ iniquities and my own. Seeing the imperfections of my parents magnified my complete dependence on the work accomplished by the perfect God.
Echoing the words of the apostle Paul, I gladly share about the weaknesses and shortcomings of my family because in them the power of Christ is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). In life and death, all I have to boast is in Christ Jesus. He has mended my every pain and affliction of the past, and now my soul daily rejoices in the hope of the gospel.
God, My Greatest Comforter
Every hurt I experienced from my parents fighting was an opportunity for me to receive comfort from God. Away from the tension and alone in my room, God invited me into quiet moments where I could be honest before Him. The more brokenness I saw, the nearer I drew to God in prayer in total surrender. Each time I laid down my fears and worries, God was quick to reassure me with a peace that only came from Him.
I understood that I could never be satisfied in earthly relationships, not even in my relationship with my parents. I cannot depend on people to show me the perfect love and compassion that only God provides. Amid my suffering, God sovereignly worked in my heart to turn to trust in His timing. Though it did not outwardly seem like it, I believed that my family was safe because we were in His hands, the safest place we could ever be.
By grace, God has delivered my family from those trials and restored peace among us. All the reconciliation between me and my parents, and my parents with one another, I solely attribute to God. I am thankful for how God did not allow my pain to go to waste and used it to reveal His nature as “the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3).
I Have Been Forgiven Much
I reckon it only appropriate for me to conclude with a direct address to my parents. I must make it clear that I no longer view their flaws and failures through a lens of disappointment, anger, or sorrow. I can—and do—forgive my parents, not because I am high and mighty, but because I myself have been forgiven much by the High and Mighty God.
If ten-year-old me expressed hurt in a small post-it note, then 20-year-old me today expresses forgiveness and gratitude in this letter:
내가 가장 많이 아끼는 우리 아빠, 엄마,
여기에 담긴 내용을 읽고 어떤 감정을 느끼실지 저는 감히 상상할 수 없지만 지금 해드리고 싶은 말은 오직 사랑한다는 말 뿐이에요. 그리고 용서해요. 가족이니까 서로의 모난 모습들이 더 가까이서 보였고 또 가까운 만큼 서로에게 더 쉽게 상처를 주고 받았지요. 저도 아빠, 엄마에게 잘못된 행동과 말을 하며 죄를 지었어요. 저를 용서해주세요.
제가 아빠, 엄마를 용서하고 또 용서를 구할 수 있는 이유는 이미 예수님께서 모든 죗값을 치른 것에 있어요. 복음을 통해 얻는 기쁨과 소망은 저에게 매일 새로운데 아빠, 엄마에게도 마찬가지겠지요?
하나님께서 저에게 주신 사랑을 아빠 엄마에게 잘 나눠드릴 수 있도록 더 노력할게요. 요한일서 4장 19절 말씀같이 우리가 사랑하는 것은 하나님께서 먼저 우리를 사랑해 주셨기 때문이에요.
하나님께서 저의 부모님으로 아빠, 엄마를 주셔서 저는 아주 기뻐요. 저와 동생을 위해서 희생하고 우리에게 예수님께 의지하며 살아가는 삶은 어떤 모습인지 계속해서 가르쳐 주셔서 고맙습니다. 제가 표현하는 것이 아직 많이 서툴지만 온 마음을 담아 진심으로 사랑해요.
하나뿐인 딸 률이 올림
To Mom and Dad, Whom I Most Care For,
I cannot dare to imagine how you must be feeling after reading what I have written above, but the only words I want to say to you now are, “I love you.” And I forgive you. Because we are family we saw each other’s flaws closely, and because we are close, it was easy for us to give and receive hurt. I also said and did wrong things to you. I sinned against you. Please forgive me.
The reason why I can forgive you and ask for your forgiveness is because of Jesus Christ who already paid for all our sins. The joy and hope I receive from the gospel are renewed everyday. It must be the same for you, too, right?
I will do my best to show you the love that God has shown me. Just as 1 John 4:19 states, “We love because he first loved us.”
I rejoice in the fact that God has given me you two as my parents. Thank you for the sacrifices you make for me and my brother. Thank you for continuously exemplifying what it means to live a life that wholly depends on Jesus. Though I still lack in expressing it well, I hope you know that I love you wholeheartedly.
Your one and only daughter,
Christine
Photo Credit: Edward Howell