When June rolls around, our church enters into summer mode. Many of our ministries go on pause, and many dormant ministries start anew for this break. It’s a natural turning point, and a shift occurs as I prepare myself for the unique busyness of this season. But I brace myself for one summer shift in particular: graduated college students leaving our church.
Our church is in a very transitory city. The bulk of the college students who make up our college ministry are not originally from Los Angeles. While some are from out of state or even out of the country, many are from Southern California neighborhoods outside of the city. During the school year, many will remain in Los Angeles for classes then head back home for breaks.
But once graduation rolls around, many students end up heading back home for good, which may be quite a distance from our church. There’s also a handful of students who remain in the area but feel it’s time to move on to a different church after graduation for various reasons—or stop going to any local church altogether.
I’ve seen this happen year after year. Bright young faces we welcomed in as underclassmen put on their graduation caps and receive their diplomas, and then they’re gone.
Recognizing the transitory nature of this ministry, I’ve resolved to remember that ministry “success” may very well look like investing into and discipling students for a brief period and then sending them off as healthier, holistic disciples of Jesus. By God’s grace, there are abounding praise reports of students who have passed through our church doors and are now flourishing in their home churches or in their workplaces or amongst their neighborhoods as disciples of Christ. But saying goodbye still hurts — every time.
Pastors are humans too. Relational loss hurts. As pastors, we do strive to remain open-hearted and to build relationships with newcomers, visitors, the skeptical, the curious, the non-believing, the hurting, the jaded, the confused. By God’s grace, with time, we have the incredible privilege of seeing newcomers become family, the skeptical becoming the assured, the hurting becoming the healed, and even the non-believing becoming faithful followers of Jesus. It’s a beautiful miracle that astonishes me every time.
So when the summer rolls around and students inevitably graduate and move on, never to return, there is a sorrow that lingers. It’s not a sorrow that feels like time and effort were wasted — because those things are never wasted in God’s economy — nor is it a sorrow that feels like I have been abandoned or forgotten. But it’s a sorrow that stems from not being able to see the ongoing work of God’s grace in their lives — not being able to celebrate new jobs and promotions, new breakthroughs and maturity, new engagements and weddings, new homes and children, new challenges and victories. It’s the sorrow of having things cut short.
But this is the nature of ministry here in Los Angeles and other transitory places. Nevertheless, it is worthwhile because God’s Kingdom is bigger than just my local church and God’s grace is impactful beyond just my local ministry.
So as I prepare to say my summer goodbyes, here are some encouragements for both students who are transitioning out as well as pastors and church leaders who are remaining behind.
Encouragements to college students who are transitioning out:
- Let your pastors and leaders know. I know it can feel awkward reaching out only to say that you’re leaving. But having that sense of closure helps. It can also be a time to give thanks to God together and to show mutual appreciation.
- Leave with a plan to join a new local church. Don’t just jump ship without knowing where the next landing spot(s) might be. Make it a priority to find and get plugged into a healthy local church wherever you may be heading. And if you don’t know where to start, ask your pastor or church leaders. They will hopefully be able to connect you to some healthy churches in your new area.
- Consider sticking around. If you’re not going to be geographically distant, why not stick around? If there are older adults in the congregation, consider them as God’s blessings to you to help you grow and mature. If there are no older adults in the congregation and it’s just you, consider that as God’s challenge to you to be the older brother or sister for future graduating students.
Encouragement to church leaders and pastors:
- Take heart for your labor is not in vain. It can feel like those years of investing have gone to waste, but they have not. Every conversation, every shared meal, every late-night phone call, every inconvenient campus drop-off, every lesson taught, and every small group led has not been in vain. God has graciously been at work the entire time.
- Beware of growing territorial and jaded. Sometimes our love for the students can turn defensive, and as students leave, that love can become jaded. But we’re simply called to be undershepherds of the True Shepherd — the One to whom His people truly belong. Let’s be reminded of this important truth, and let’s have that truth keep our hearts supple and open, not jaded and closed.
- Stay connected. While this can be logistically and emotionally challenging at times, as appropriate as it is to do so, seek to make yourself available by remaining connected even with students who leave. It may be months before they are able to get plugged into a new local church, and they’ll need ongoing guidance. Crisis might strike and you might be a rare spiritual figure in their life. They might even move back to the area and need to be welcomed back.
An inevitable part of life in a fallen world is saying goodbye. But in the midst of the tears and aches and loss, may we press on, trusting that by God’s grace, we will again see these dear brothers and sisters, and we will celebrate in much greater joy all that the Lord has done.