You may not know it, but there is a high probability that your pastor is discouraged. Your pastor normally feels immense stresses and discouragements, but the disconnect and the brokenness of 2020 have added to these feelings.
The SOLA Network asked vocational pastors and church ministry leaders across the country a simple question: “What are some things that you wish your church would know about pastors?” We know that pastors teach, encourage, counsel and lead, but what is it that they would like to say to their church if they could?
We have reviewed their answers and have compiled four things that your pastor wishes you would know about them but may not have expressed publicly. We hope their responses will help you better understand and support your pastors.
1. Pastors are people… but live public lives
First of all, pastors are “people just like [you] are.” They have the same mundane limitations, temptations, and insecurities. They get “tired and discouraged,” feel “inadequate and confused… They doubt, and they worry too.”
One leader wrote that pastors also “struggle with their quiet times. They fall into the trap of binge-watching Netflix. They think about resigning, more often than you might realize. They feel guilty for not doing enough, for both their congregations and their families… They carry the burdens of life just like anyone else.”
A repeated area of concern was the feeling of loneliness. As one pastor confessed, they “can really only talk to other pastors about their struggles.”
What makes the situation difficult is that their lives (including the lives of their spouses and children) are public. The pastor is expected to be authentic and model faith (1 Timothy 4:12), creating great pressure — often self-imposed — on the leader.
As one leader candidly explained:
“You’re exposed, and being exposed makes one vulnerable and open to constant assessment and critique. Every church member feels they have a right to speak into your life whether it’s use of time, work-life balance, vacations, marriage, parenting or compensation, to name a few. This is on top of the public ministry that is open to scrutiny as well such as preaching, leadership, counseling, etc. In essence, you have hundreds of people potentially criticizing your public formal job and personal everyday life. This is a weighty burden that few can understand or experience. There is constant pressure and low-grade anxiety for many pastors. Praise God for the gospel of Jesus Christ!”
This does not mean that the pastor is exempt from accountability or criticism; the life of the pastor should be both private and public. That is their calling. Yet, it would help for the church to recognize the challenge that this public-private duality creates.
2. Pastors have limitations… but are continuing to learn
The demands and expectations of a pastor can be multifold — to preach, to cast vision, to build strategy, to take up a cause, to counsel the needy, to navigate complexities, to care for staff, to evangelize to the lost, and so much more. Every single pastor that I know, without exception, carries in himself or herself a feeling of inadequacy. It’s the immense weight of the calling.
But another reason is that they are being compared to pastors from across the country whose strengths are highlighted and weaknesses often hidden. The reason why God has placed your pastor in your church is because he or she knows and cares for the flock, but please know that they still have limitations.
One leader reminds us that they cannot “personally contact all 50 or 100 or 200 or 500 people in the church all the time.” Another leader says, “If we do not, it does not mean we are bad pastors or that we don’t care.”
Recent events, including the pandemic, social unrest and politics, have made leadership even more difficult. Alongside leaders in many industries, church leaders are being asked to teach and lead on socio-political and health policy issues. Pastors confess that they are not trained for it. When pastors do speak and lead, they are often “criticized and misunderstood…[and] seen as too conservative for some, too liberal for others; too foolish for seeking to open things back up, too cowardly for seeking to keep things closed.”
When it comes to the pandemic, please know that your pastors are also “trying to find their footing in the midst of this pandemic.” It may not be a lack of faith, conviction or love. Your pastors are not abdicating leadership. They are learning, just like everyone else.
3. Pastors feel called to what they do… but still need help
For most people, their work is a vocation and not necessarily a calling. But for pastors, their sense of call is what drives them. Though there may be stresses and sacrifices of ministry, pastors feel an immense privilege in being able to do Gospel work. One leader expressed that they “are thankful for the blessing of being their leader!”
Another wrote:
“I wish my church would know that pastors are immensely privileged to do what they get to do. They hold it an honor to preach the whole counsel of God’s Word in season and out of season. They find it remarkable that they have front-row seats to seeing the Spirit bring about healing and transformation in the lives of the people. They are amazed that God would take such an unimpressive ministry to make an eternal impact for the Kingdom.”
Amen, amen, and amen to that.
This sentiment, however, does not mean that pastors do not have needs. In fact, they may be more reluctant to express those needs, particularly among Asian American pastors. But the church can support their pastors by having a small group of influencers (elders, deacons or committee) ensure that the church is actively addressing the following needs, as expressed in the survey:
- Compensation: If you are not sure what an appropriate salary range for your pastor is, look up the local school district’s salary for full-time credentialed teachers or administrators. Their salary scale can be a good goal for the church. Even if your church is unable to match it, you will at least have a target.
- Time: The church needs to help pastors from burning out by compelling them to have a rhythm of rest and renewal. A pastor should take some Sundays off during the year where they can worship elsewhere. The church can also set aside a budget for guest speakers so that solo pastors don’t have to preach weekly. If you want to invest in the longevity of the pastor, develop a Sabbatical policy.
- Support: The pastor often bears the brunt of difficult decisions and directions of the church. It is vital to have a collaborative team of leaders who can not only share the burden of leadership but also publicly support the pastor.
- Encouragement: Pastors should be encouraged to invest in and seek relationships for the enrichment of their souls. These could be within or outside the church, with other pastors or professional counselors. The need to meet with leaders outside the church is greater for the senior pastor.
- Prayer: It may be cliché, but prayer matters. You will care about and support those whom you regularly lift up in prayer, so please pray for your pastor.
4. Pastors genuinely care about their people… in good times and bad
Pastors are in the people business and they generally care deeply for the people they serve. “Our joy comes from seeing that you are growing and thriving. We wish we could hear more about when things go well in your life, not just when things are falling apart. Celebrating the highs with you is just as important to us as mourning in the lows,” wrote one leader.
The downside to such care is that pastors are often hurt by the same people they care for. Pastors get upset when their people are critical of leadership, become apathetic to preaching, and do not listen to counsel. Pastors not only grieve when a member makes a decision to leave the church but frequently feel guilty that they failed in pastoring them.
One pastor wrote honestly, “We often wrestle with feeling disposable. When you need us, we are there to care for you and counsel you. You matter to us.” But they feel this way because they “love them more than they know.”
Another wished that:
“…my church would know that pastors deeply love their congregation. They earnestly pray for them. They work late and odd hours to be available. They try really hard with their sermons (even if their sermons may not seem like much). They weep when members go astray. They value every little word of encouragement, every praise report, every prayer request answered. They rejoice when they see their people grow in the Lord.”
Another leader summed up what most of us feel that we “find great happiness when you are loving God above all things.”
If you are reading this…
- As a non-pastor, you are probably motivated by the desire to understand your pastor. Thank you for reading and caring. Forward this article to your pastors and ask them if any of it resonates with them. Begin a conversation and see how you can help your pastors.
- As a pastor, I am certain that many of these points resonated with you. Even if you are not confident that the people in your church will understand, I would suggest that you let a few people in your church know. You will be surprised how supportive most people are of their pastor. If you are uncertain, reach out to an older pastor in your area and get counsel.