Listen to Alice Kim read her article on our Podcast.
Following 19 months of virtual meetings, many churches have reopened their doors, and people have returned to fill the sanctuary. But behind the scenes, pastors, church staff, and leaders have worked hard to keep abreast of the ever-evolving pandemic news. They have navigated the nuances of doing ministry during unprecedented disruption, prolonged uncertainty, isolating disconnection, persistent fears and anxieties, and compounding losses and trauma.
Given these working conditions, I wonder: How are pastors doing?
Have pastors made time to inventory the toll of the past year and a half? Have they begun to name how they have been affected mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually and sought appropriate support and care?
Or have they picked up where they abruptly left off—jumping back into planning meetings and itinerant speaking engagements, on top of the weekly rigor of sermon preparation, staff meetings, and pastoral care needs? Have they buried or indefinitely shelved their experiences because of pressing demands and time-sensitive needs?
While the COVID-19 crisis has collectively impacted us, pastors bear the unique weight of the spiritual well-being of their members. They face challenges that are particular to their role as spiritual guardians and caregivers. Consequently, they feel alone and weary.
Many have entertained—fleeting or seriously—the false lure of the lush, greener pasture of non-ministry careers. If there were pre-existing questions and doubts about their ministry calling, the pandemic only intensified it. And fears of failing and being a failure are further exasperated.
As a therapist with pastors as clients and being married to a pastor, I have the humbling privilege of seeing their struggles up close. I want to encourage church members to set aside October—Pastors Appreciation Month—to connect with pastors and express that you see them and are grateful for them. Consider blessing them in the following four intentional and life-giving ways.
1. Begin by seeing their humanity.
Pastors have limited capacities. They need to retreat and rest, knowing that “no” is an option they can exercise. They need forgiveness and the gospel both preached and reenacted in their lives. They need community—a safe place where they are known not as “pastor” but by their name, to laugh, to be quiet, a place to lay their head.
Last year, in a birthday card to my husband, I included some dollar bills and blessed him to use the money in any way he wanted with one exception: He was not to spend it on the family or give it away, and he was to put it toward something that would bring him joy through play.
I gave him permission not because he needed it but because often play feels foreign, selfish, unproductive, expensive, or risky. There is the potential for judgment, criticism, and misunderstanding, not celebration. And yet, the earthly pleasures are not merely “mud pies”; they point to the heavenly “infinite joy” to come. It’s what C.S. Lewis talks about in his book, The Weight of Glory, when he says, “imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea,” and pastors need to taste that here.
2. Reflect on how we as members unconsciously project our emotional needs onto pastors.
To varying degrees, we all desire for a fatherly or wise and protective older brother figure. We are drawn to steadfast and confident yet humble and compassionate leaders. We feel seen and known when a leader knows our face and name, listens well, seeks to understand, and provides counsel, direction, and comfort in time of need.
These longings are not necessarily inappropriate; they are how we connect and relate. They tell the story of our desire for a perfect father, older brother, leader, counselor found in the Trinity. Nevertheless, it’s helpful to be aware of how we approach pastors and what expectations are present so that our desires are not unfairly and in unhealthy ways distorted and morphed into demands.
3. Ask questions that tell their story.
Ask questions like, “When and how did you last play?” and “What is it about that that brings you joy?”
Other questions are: What is your journey to being called to ministry? What stands out to you about your journey?
With whom do you feel most known? How do they see you? What are their expectations of you, and how do you feel about them?
Who do you turn to for care? In what ways do they care for you that’s meaningful to you?
Is there a moment from this past year that you keep replaying? What is it about that moment that you keep going back to?
What’s one word you would use to describe each of your significant relationships—with your spouse, family members, friends, other relationships?
Questions asked with curiosity convey interest and care for their personhood. They show that they matter and are worth being known. Moreover, learning more of their story allows members to pray more specifically and purposefully for their pastors.
4. Name their legacy.
Reflecting on legacy is often reserved for occasions such as retirement or a farewell. But why wait when it would bring much-needed encouragement?
This can include sharing a specific memory of them that stirs joy, gratitude, hope, inspiration, and awe. Perhaps a tangible moment when you saw Christ more clearly and experienced the Father’s love and care because of their faithfulness and obedience.
For example, tell your pastor, “When you listened attentively, I experienced God’s tenderness and kindness.” Other encouraging thoughts to share: Your presence in meetings brings calm and order. Knowing that I can turn to you with my questions or seek you for prayer, makes me feel assured and secure. Your decisive leadership in times of crisis helped me to reimagine Biblical passages like, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge” (Ps. 91:4).
There are many thoughtful and creative ways to encourage our pastors. May we consider blessing them so that they could fight the good fight, finish the race, keep the faith (2 Tim. 4:7) with steadfastness, faithfulness, and joy.