As someone who leans toward introversion, I didn’t mind the separation that came from Covid precautions. In fact, I rejoiced! Yay for remote work! Yay for church services live-streamed from my couch! Yay for never meeting anyone, anywhere! But over time, as I strengthened my muscle for personal comfort and convenience, I forgot to exercise the Gospel throughout my life.
That’s because we need more than the Gospel in word; we need the Gospel in deed. The second greatest commandment Christ gives us is to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matt. 22:39). If we were to just hand someone a Bible and wish them well on their way, we would have failed to give them the whole Gospel because we did not demonstrate the love of God to them.
When we reflect on our lives and how we witnessed and experienced the love of God, it is almost always through the kindness of others who are the hands and feet of God because of their faithfulness to God. As Christians, exercising hospitality is a practical way we can move as the body of Christ. My journey with receiving and giving hospitality has been a long one and there are still many lessons to be learned, but here are three things I learned so far about showing hospitality.
1. It’s Awkward Until It’s Not
Perhaps the most difficult part of hospitality is the asking. It is uncomfortable to invite someone we barely know into our lives. It’s uncomfortable because it is a sign of surrender and vulnerability. To invite someone into our home or into our lives requires us to put down our defenses as we open up our arms to give. This is so counterintuitive to a world where we are encouraged to network and not fellowship. It is constantly teaching us to protect and do more for ourselves.
When we focus too much on how we feel awkward inviting someone for fellowship, we concentrate too much on our comfort and too little on God’s call. We depend on ourselves to succeed in the asking instead of depending on God’s provision. In 2 Corinthians 9:8 Paul writes “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” Paul reminds us that God’s grace will always be enough to support us. He will always be the one who sustains us to do every good work and as a result, we rely on Him.
2. Small Talk Is Always a Pre-Req
People dislike small talk. I used to abhor small talk too because I believed engaging in small talk meant I was a shallow person. But this could not be further from the truth. It’s obvious each of us has stories, trauma, histories, and joys we carry that make us who we are; these are factors contributing to our depth. However, it is difficult to share these deep things with people if we do not know or trust them.
Showing hospitality gives us an opportunity to engage in small talk so we can start building the foundation for a relationship that may allow us to discuss deeper things down the road. Small talk is the prerequisite to deep discussions, discipleship, and long-term community. It requires patience and endurance reminding us that hospitality needs to be exercised regularly. Pursuing believers and non-believers is a marathon, not a sprint.
3. People Don’t Care How Much You Know, Until They Know How Much You Care
I remember in college random preachers would come to my campus with a giant sign and a megaphone. These preachers told us we would go to hell if we did not repent of our sins. I had a strong aversion to those preachers. While they spoke the truth, they never showed me how to accurately live out the Gospel. Despite showing me what Jesus believed and taught, they did not show me who Jesus is.
There was such a stark contrast between these nameless campus preachers and my on-campus pastors who served in full-time college ministry. Every other week I met up with one of them for coffee or a meal as they counseled me through the struggles of a confused college kid. They welcomed any of my ridiculous theological questions. Despite going to seminary and having a wealth of knowledge on Scripture and church history, they never minimized my thoughts and concerns as elementary. As the weeks turned into years, both of them discipled me through some of the hardest moments in my life including a year of intense sickness due to my anxiety disorder and a chaotic family situation I never thought God could redeem.
Instead of preaching one message to me once, both pastors continued to preach one message to me over and over again. They preached Christ’s love for me, by showing me this love through every cup of coffee, every pastry, and every prayer. And this message changed my life.
The truth is this: nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. We can spend our time yelling at people to repent, telling them we’ll “pray for them” at church, or even lecturing them on some heady theological topic. But we will never get far if we do not show we truly love and care for them. Our actions must line up with the desire of our hearts. If our hearts’ desire is to obey Christ’s commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves, we must be the hands and feet of our great Savior. Displaying love to one another over coffee, a meal, or a chat shows the world we are followers of Christ (John 13:35).
Like anything else in the Christian walk, hospitality is a muscle. It must be strengthened regularly, and we can rest easy knowing God will be with us in each and every scenario. So while extending an invitation can be awkward and small talk can be boring, it will get better with time. As we fix our gaze on Christ, the supreme example of hospitality and service, we can move forward in confidence knowing our obedience to him will bear much fruit as the Holy Spirit works alongside us.