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Walking with Children and Teens Through Doubts About Christianity

Faith Changby

How do I know the Bible is real?
What about the gods in other religions?

I was caught off guard not so much by the questions themselves but by the question asker— my then four-year-old daughter. Raised in the church and homeschooled at the time, her questions didn’t originate from outside influences. They were coming from her own mind and heart.

As Christians, we are called to disciple the next generation in our homes and churches. So what do we do when they ask us big questions? How do we respond when they question their faith?

Whether you’re a parent, aunt or uncle, or Sunday School teacher serving young people, here are some ways you can walk with children and teens through their questions and doubts.

1. Be a safe place for questions and doubts.

Children and teens need to know that we welcome their questions and doubts. I often tell teens that I’m passionate about church being a safe place for them and their questions because I have worked through doubt my whole life. Sometimes, I’ll give them examples of questions I’ve wrestled with. My desire is that their uncertainty wouldn’t drive them away from the church, but to find the answers God has for them. 

Two ways you can show young people it’s safe to bring up their questions are:

  1. Not being afraid of hard questions. Don’t immediately interpret doubts as unbelief or rebellion. Often, questions are actually spiritual growing pains as children work to reconcile their observations about the world with what the Bible says. In fact, it may actually be their faith in God that prompts questions where there seems to be a disconnect. They are seriously taking to heart and considering the claims of Christianity. Thus in many ways, questions and doubts can be opportunities for faith to grow deeper through testing. They are chances for young people to experience on their own that God is truly trustworthy.
  2. Letting them know doubts and hard questions are normal parts of the Christian life. It can be scary, even shameful, for children and teens to admit to having doubts about what they’ve been taught in church or at home. Let them know that you understand this. Assure them that the Bible and the history of Christianity are full of people who asked tough questions and still followed Jesus.

2. Invite them to look at the Scriptures with you.

One way that kids can grow in their trust in the Scriptures is actually by bringing hard questions to it. Because if the word of God is true and has handled scrutiny throughout the ages, then it is able to handle the questions they have today.

Often, the questions children and teens have aren’t so much challenges to the truth as much as they are attempts to make sense of it. They aren’t attacking Christianity from the outside, but testing its trustworthiness from the inside. Though their questions may seem like challenges to the Bible (e.g., If God is really in control, why is there suffering? What about other religions? What about science?), these are questions the Scriptures actually do address and that Christians have historically worked through and answered. Thus, their questions are opportunities to show them how God’s word is relevant, compelling, and has explanatory value in real life.

Other times, children and teens know what the Bible says, but are having trouble believing it. These are also opportunities to examine God’s word together. However, before offering answers, make sure you really understand the heart of their questions. 

When I was first trained to work with middle schoolers, my leaders emphasized that “at the heart of every question is a question of the heart.” The idea was that while the question at hand is important, there is often more going on under the surface. So while it may be tempting to jump in with answers, we need to practice listening and asking questions to see where the dissonance truly lies. 

Before offering truth, make sure you are speaking the truth your listeners need. Are they doubting because their experiences seem to contradict what the Bible says about God? Is it because they believe the Bible is saying something it doesn’t actually say? Is it because Christians have treated them unkindly? Is it because they are struggling with temptation, sin, or shame? Is it because they are going through deep suffering? Once you get to the “heart of their question,” then you can speak to the way God addresses it.

3. Help them bring their questions to God.

God is not only concerned with our mental assent to right doctrine— he cares about our relationship with him. Remembering this, we can see our young people’s struggles with doubts as opportunities to not only experience God’s truthfulness, but his patience, presence, love, and grace. 

In your family and at church, you can teach children to pray honestly about their questions, modeling humility, candor, and trust in God even in the midst of doubt. Churched kids, in particular, may need the assurance that since God already knows their questions, they don’t have to be afraid or ashamed to bring them to him. 

You can remind them of stories in the Bible about Jesus’ kindness toward people with questions and doubts–people like Nicodemus, Thomas, or the man who prayed, “I believe, help my unbelief!” Assure them that they can pray like that, too, honest about where their hearts are as they seek him and his answers. Teach them to pray honest, simple prayers like, “God, if you’re there, show me” or “God, I’m not even sure I believe in you, but I think I want to.” And if it’s hard for them to pray even that, ask if you can pray with and for them.

4. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.”

Sometimes, we can feel the pressure to give an answer that will resolve all questions in the moment. But it’s okay to admit what we don’t know. When our kids ask us questions the Bible is silent on, we may have to say, “I don’t know, God hasn’t told us that. But that’s a good question.” Other times, our answer will need to be, “I don’t know–let me think about it and get back to you.” (Just don’t forget to get back with those answers!)

Saying “I don’t know” doesn’t mean we’ve failed because our goal is not to have all the answers. We seek to model the Christian life for those we teach, and part of following Jesus means admitting the limits of our own understanding. The way you seek answers alongside of your children and students is in and of itself a life lesson for them. You are modeling what to do when they encounter questions they can’t answer. You are also demonstrating that you can have true faith without knowing all the answers.

5. Equip your kids with resources on apologetics.

When we think of apologetics, we often think of conversations we have with people outside the church. But I’ll always remember a professor in seminary speaking about the way it serves to strengthen the faith of Christians as well.

One of the most precious gifts my parents gave me was stocking their libraries with books on apologetics. It was a gift to be able to grab them off the shelf in the middle of my own seasons of doubt. So I’ve intentionally sought to have similar titles available in our home—and I’ve already heard from my daughter that some of these books have helped her work through questions I didn’t even know she’d had. 

What that in mind, here are some recommendations for resources you can read and pass on to young people:

6. Trust the Lord with your kids’ hearts.

My daughter’s questions at four reminded me that at every age, the Christian faith requires just that—faith—and this faith is a gift from God. None of us came to trust God on the basis of good arguments alone. Rather, in his grace, the Holy Spirit opened the eyes of our hearts to see his worth. As we pray and trust God to do the same in the lives of young people we love, he frees us from teaching them from a place of anxiety. He helps us to be patient as we prayerfully wait for him to accomplish his work in their hearts.

As a mother and Sunday School teacher, few things make me feel more helpless than my inability to change hearts. Paradoxically, nothing is more freeing to know because that means that the faith of the next generation is not dependent upon my ability to teach perfectly.

If God loves the children in our lives and has them in his hands, then we are not the main actors here. Thus, with peace, we can walk with them through questions and doubts, patiently engaging their minds and hearts, trusting that as we sow and water the seeds of truth, God is the one who will make things grow.

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on the Westminster Kids blog. It has been republished here with permission from the author.

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Faith Chang

Faith Chang lives in Staten Island, NY with her husband and four kids. She serves at Grace Christian Church where her husband pastors. She has a Certificate in Christian Studies from Westminster Theological Seminary and is part of the team at Westminster Kids. She writes at Keeping Heart and is the author of a forthcoming book on Christian perfectionism with The Good Book Company (2024).