In the previous article, I shared how one of the good things God may be up to through the challenge of COVID-19 is that He may be giving us the opportunity to “reset” our homes and family life for the sake of spiritual health and Gospel advance.
Interestingly, the pattern of most families for millennia before the Industrial Revolution of the 1800s was that home and work overlapped mostly in agricultural life instead of being bifurcated with home, work, and public education. Now that is not to say we need to go back to old times, but instead we need to learn to wisely navigate faith and family in the realities of our current age.
There was a certain centrality to family life and its significance to Christian discipleship that the rhythms of past ages naturally provided. And it helps us understand the context for the instruction of God’s Word from parents to their children in:
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:7)
But, God now in His providence, has reset our rhythms for a season where we can do that once again in a unique and deep way.
A few caveats before jumping in. First of all, we must recognize that not all homes may have a dad and a mom, both parents may not be believers, and parents may not be on the same page spiritually. Also, not every person has the privilege to work from home as many need to work outside of the home to provide or by the nature of their work (i.e. healthcare workers). So we shouldn’t dismiss those realities, but recognize that nuclear families are also part of the larger family of the local church and we ought to be doing our best, within the wise constraints, of helping to support other families.
In the midst of that, here are 10 practical steps to pursue toward the aim of healthy, discipleship-focused, Gospel-saturated homes. My expectation is that many of these steps are no-brainers for many and if anything, I hope this article can spur a forum to share more and better ideas! For others, these might be legitimately helpful, and it may be a guide to help you and your spouse evaluate how to make the most of this season. Finally, don’t take these to be like the 10 commandments, but more so choose from it like it’s a buffet, picking and choosing.
- Process COVID-19 together
- Make a plan and schedule…and re-evaluate at the end of each week
- Communicate the plan
- Implement spiritual disciplines
- Implement a comprehensive school curriculum
- Create a work station
- Expect and implement contribution and responsibility with meals and chores
- Implement exercise, play, and entertainment
- Implement opportunities for virtual social interaction
- Implement creative ways to serve
1. Process COVID-19 together
Parents need to discuss together how to help their children understand the challenges of this time and not let this be seen as only an extended Spring Break. Here are various topics that are worth covering cyclically:
- Medical – Explain the coronavirus, symptoms, dangers
- Historical – Explain where it started and how it has progressed and other similar events in history
- Theological – Explain the Fall, God’s redeeming work through pain and suffering, how we can pray and love
- Social – Explain social distancing, the motives behind our current state of affairs, economic effects, and how long we might expect this to last
- Faith – Explain how we see God at work, how this time at home is a wonderful opportunity to grow as a family, and express the hopes and values you have for your family in this season
- Grace – The close-knit quarters and “homeschooling” over weeks and maybe months will surely (if it hasn’t already) lead to conflict, anger, fights, tantrums, failures, pride, shame. Our desired outcome is not in doing this perfectly, but in leaning on Jesus, who loves us perfectly even when we are messy. And then it is bending that Gospel grace towards each other over and over and over again so that the greatest outcome will be that each of us falls more deeply in love with Jesus.
2. Make a plan and schedule… and re-evaluate at the end of each week
Husband and wife should have time to talk together and think through a plan to ensure they are working as a team (not against each other!). Each family will have different temperaments and values with schedules and time, but some level of intentionality with all of this time we have together should help. Also, children are used to some semblance of structure and schedule at school, so having that will keep the home from devolving into chaos.
Here’s a simple weekly schedule you can use as a template.
One of the keys to this though is constantly revisiting and evaluating how the week prior went and preparing for the week ahead. Often our ambitious resolutions fail because we fail to see how regularly we need to re-evaluate and recommit again. Put this evaluation and planning time in your schedule. Sunday evenings before the new week starts is often a good option for this.
3. Communicate the plan
- Verbal – Have a special time to explain the general schedule and plan for intentionality. Remind them each new week – usually Monday mornings.
- Visual – Have the schedule posted on the fridge, a whiteboard, poster, etc. It is amazing how much this helps easily forgetful and distracted boys, especially!
4. Implement spiritual disciplines
- Personal – Have time as parents where you are individually meeting the Lord in the Word and prayer and also teaching your children how to do that for themselves. We have found doing that for adults before the children wake up to be best and then having the children spend their time after breakfast to work best for us.
- Family – Family worship is a wonderful practice where you can read the Word, sing, share, and pray. We find evenings to work best for us. Another thing we have tried to do is have a time of extended worship in song, sharing, and prayer on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Also, here is a resource for praying through a 7 day liturgy to develop our Biblical and theological thinking and feeling towards the coronavirus:
- Church – Prioritize Sunday worship as still absolutely vital in this season even if it may look different. Use the time after the live stream to have a discussion on the message as a family.
5. Implement a comprehensive school curriculum
I’ll admit upfront (and actually for the majority of these points) that there are going to be content experts out there vastly superior to what I have to say here. It’d be great if in comments on our Facebook page or on social media for people can add on with more helpful online content. Here’s some we’ve come across:
- School – Of course, follow along with your school’s online curriculum
- Literature – Your local library may live stream storytimes
- Art – You can follow along with simple Doodling lessons
- Science – Here’s daily live stream from a zoo highlighting an animal a day
- Khan Academy – Lots of curriculum and resources specifically aiding during the time of COVID-19
6. Create a work station
There may already be a “homework” table in your home, but now is the time to just give it an upgrade. Have school supplies, tablets, laptops, etc. readily available and organized so every day isn’t a hectic scramble. Also, teach the children to take responsibility to set up and clean up the work station (especially if it also acts as your dining room table!).
7. Expect and implement contribution and responsibility with meals and chores
It looks like families are going to be eating meals together again! That’s a great blessing to have recovered that seems to have been lost in families in recent years. It’s a great time to be intentional, to have fun, and to process.
But this is also a great time to teach children to be participants where they might help in:
- Meal preparation
- Setting the table
- Cleaning
- Dishes
- Household chores
Consider assigning these roles at the start of the week and in rotation for multiple children.
8. Implement exercise, play, and entertainment
Depending on our personality, we might veer towards too much play and too little work or too little play and too much work. This section is for the latter!
It is possible the area the family has been most starved for in the busyness of life is simple, unhurried fun and play as a family. So plan to have that and do it without guilt and do it with great joy in the Lord because it is part of how God restores our soul.
Consider the following:
- Exercises – Try fun, short, simple exercise routines in the middle of the day
- Recess – Build in recess during the day and try to be outdoors, if possible, but of course avoiding public areas and not breaking any of the guidelines in place in your locale. Your backyard is ideal or more remote wooded areas, trails, empty fields or parking lots.
- Reading – It’d be great to rediscover the lost entertainment of reading books during this time! (You can get a lot of free E-Books from your local library.)
- Entertainment – The time on devices can inevitably increase in this season because of how much more time we have, so it’s worth fighting that temptation. That being said, it is still fun to watch shows and movies together, but try to have it feel like a joy-giving “treat” than a non-lifegiving bad habit. You usually can feel in your soul when it’s one or the other. Here are two websites that are helpful for screening the content of your entertainment:
- IMDB (Check “Parents Guide”)
- Common Sense Media
9. Implement opportunities for virtual social interaction
Some people are tempted to only care about their nuclear family and exclude the rest of humanity. If that is your bent, these next two points are for you. The writer of Hebrews urges us to “not neglect to meet together”, but that is difficult to figure out in a time of social distancing. But, thank God He’s given us video chatting services. So ask yourself how often you have interactions with:
- Your extended family and friends
- Your small group
- The children’s friends
10. Implement creative ways to serve
Another strong temptation in this time is to allow the calls for caution in social distancing to also be an opportunity for the monster of selfishness to grow within. We have to fight extra hard in this season to think about what it looks like to still love. And healthy family discipleship can’t be all inward, but it has healthy doses of being outward as a family. Here’s some ideas:
- Buy from local restaurants – Local restaurants are likely struggling where you live. Consider buying takeout or drive-through meal as a way to eat, but also bless others. Drive there as a family, pray for the business in the car, encourage the owner and workers. Tip well!
- Check on neighbors, especially the vulnerable – Give calls or send cards expressing that you are there. Sending this postcard to people who live near you is an idea from a Gospel Coalition article that is very practical:
- Donate and/or serve local food pantries and co-ops – Some of the largest immediate needs are for lower-income families to feed their children while they are home because they might usually get meals at school. Look to see how you can support by donating financially or buying groceries they need and helping them stay stocked. Some places even need volunteers to help. They likely won’t take children, but wisely weigh and consider this opportunity to serve. It may be a great faith-building opportunity for the family.
May the Lord bless us and encourage us in this special opportunity to be building up our home – for the sake of His glory and the advance of His Gospel!